


i do not weep at the world, i am too busy sharpening my oyster knife

by peytra



Series: Infinite Combinations [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: 20's AU, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Police, Alternate Universe - Prohibition Era, Alternate Universe - Still Aliens, F/M, Slow Burn, Smoking, Swearing, does not follow canon timeline, mob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-10-12 19:26:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10497912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peytra/pseuds/peytra
Summary: It's a brave new world; top dollar scientists are working on space travel, aliens and humans walk together on the same streets, and suddenly all those cartoons in the funny papers seem like a real possibility.But humanity hasn't quite touched the stars yet, and though aliens may be on planet Earth, they don't intend on helping with that. A brave new world it may be, but bad people, human or otherwise, will always rise up and try to control things, whether by manipulation or brutal violence.Lieutenant Shepard, of the 104th precinct, is going to stop them.





	1. i have seen many things, in a life time alone

**Author's Note:**

> title courtesy of a friend, quote by Zora Neale Hurston. Fair warning: this does not follow the canon timeline.  
> Find me on tumblr: [mass-defect](https://mass-defect.tumblr.com/)

Shepard eyed Chief Anderson from across the desk nervously. She hadn’t been called into his office since she had first formed her task force, back when it had just been her, Garrus, Kaiden, and Ashley. Perhaps, this was a commendation, for all her hard work in taking down the various mobs that rose across Citadel in the face of prohibition. It didn’t seem likely, but she preferred to keep a positive attitude about these kinds of things. It kept her sane, when things got rough.

“Lieutenant, do you know why I called you in here?” He asked, voice flat. That wasn’t good, he wasn’t using his usual proud-paternal voice.

“No, sir.” She didn’t usually call him sir. Formality was practically non-existent in the station, and she didn’t like to. It felt too much like sucking up, especially considering she only did it when she thought she was in trouble.

“I had an interesting chat with the commission about your task force. They're not too happy with some of the… people you’ve brought on, and frankly, neither am I.”

“What's the issue, sir?” If she kept things short, maybe she would be in less trouble, or at least get it over with faster.

“The _issue_ , Lieutenant, is that a task force cannot be made up of civilians and criminals!”

“I know it's a little unethical, but-”

“Unethical. _Unethical_! It's illegal! You can't just do whatever you want!” He was practically steaming, now. Some logical part of her knew she had to disengage before things got worse, but she wasn't feeling very logical right now.

“Sir, you didn't seem to mind either of those things when we took down Nassana last week.”

“You didn't have a professional assassin in your retinue last week.” He wasn't yelling anymore, but he didn't seem any less mad, either. He got up out his chair, and winced slightly as he did so. He'd gotten a leg injury two years ago that had never recovered right. The Commission, or Council, as everyone called them, had promoted him not long after, but it was mostly because he could no longer work in the field. There were people that would kill for Anderson’s position; the corner office, the strong oak desk, the paycheck. She knew he hated it. He faced the window, now, not looking at her.

“Anderson, I'm only using him for the information he has, which, by the way, he’s been more than happy to give. I'm not exactly sending him after my enemies with a kill order.”

“I can deal with civilians. I can handle common criminals. Hell, I can even spin mercenaries. But this… he's a killer, Shepard.” He still wasn't facing her. She imagined that the distance made the conversation more tolerable.

“So are you. So am I. So is everybody in this building.” It was a defense she felt used to giving, even after only a week.

“You know damn well it's different. Shepard… just tell me something that can help me make sense of this.” His head was turned towards her, just slightly, no longer looking out the window.

“I…” she thought, for wild moment, about what that one Salarian had told her. ‘Like a dancer,’ he’d said. She shook the thought away. It wouldn't help Anderson, and it certainly wouldn't help her. “Do you trust me?”

Anderson turned fully around. He looked baffled. “Of course.”

“Then trust me with this. I know what I'm doing.”

He sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I need to tell the cou- the commission something. I need a reason for hiring on a man who's killed God only knows how many people.”

“We haven't hired him, technically speaking. He's working gratis.” She paused for a moment. “Can you use that?”

“I can certainly try.” He sighed. “Thank you, Shepard. Try not to do anything too illegal for the next week or so. Might help get the council off our backs.” He sat back down, opening a drawer as he did so. He took out a pack of cigarettes, took  one out, and lit it. He motioned the pack towards Shepard, then he seemed to realize something and put it away quickly. “You don't smoke.” She shook her head.

“If that's all…”

“Yes, you can leave, Shepard.” He smiled thinly at her around the cigarette. She nodded and quickly left. She wasn't about to try her luck. She paused for perhaps a half-second before leaving the office, preparing herself for what awaited her on the other side.

She went into the bullpen, and had a brief instinct to cover her mouth and nose. The place was always so full of smoke that it was surprising anybody could manage to breathe through it. She should have been used to it by now, since every place that was even halfway public always had more smokers in it than not, but she simply wasn't.

She walked back towards her desk quickly. Hopefully she could manage to get back without anybody noticing her, or God forbid, call out to her. She didn't feel like dealing with the other officers today. Luckily, nobody saw her, or if they did, cared about her presence.

When she got back to her desk, there was a person standing in front of it, paging through one of her files. Normally she would get furious; everyone knew one disturbed Lieutenant Shepard’s desk on pain of death. But she caught sight of a familiar (and somewhat unique) face in the station first, so she was only mildly annoyed.

“Looking for something, Vakarian?” She asked tersely, crossing her arms. The Turian looked too damn smug for her liking. Then again, he'd been very smug since that Archangel mess got cleaned up, despite the fact that it had ended in disaster. He’d finally gotten that stick out of his ass, only to replace it with his head. “What’s got you looking so happy?”

Garrus didn’t even bother to look up at her. “You’ll never guess where Jedore is.”

Shepard sighed. Jedore was a minor crimelord, and wouldn’t have even been on her radar if not for Grunt. Grunt’s creator was killed by Jedore, and though the Krogan held no particular allegiance to Okeer, he still wanted her dead. So Shepard was going after her, but the issue with chasing down someone as lowly as Jedore, was that they were very difficult to find. Jedore no longer had territory, since Shepard had kill a good amount of her people during their first encounter and had stolen her ‘product’: this and the fact that she didn’t have any people left meant that she could squirrel away practically anywhere. “Where.”

“Now, is that any way to ask someone for a favor?” Garrus was perhaps her best friend, but God, she hated him sometimes.

“I hate you.”

“I’m _excellent_ , and we both know it.”

“Remember when you were a rookie detective who hero worshiped me so much that you would do practically anything for praise? Can we go back to that?”

Garrus chuckled. “Fine, fine, I’ll tell you. She’s holed up in a warehouse in the Zakera Wards, near where Harkin was.”

She grabbed her coat and badge, intent on making good on the info. God only knew when, or where, Garrus got the info. Even if it was accurate, things changed fast, and she didn’t want to lose Jedore again just because she’d wasted time. If she pushed past Garrus perhaps harder than necessary, it was only because she was running low on time.


	2. i told you once i won't tell you again it's a bad way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tigger Warnings: Death mention, nothing explicit.  
> Welcome to hell, aka chapter 2 of this mess, now with more plot.  
> My tumblr is [mass-defect](https://mass-defect.tumblr.com/)  
> Feel free to message me!

Shepard got off the subway, quickly making her way towards her task force’s home base. The neighborhood was irreputable, tenements and old brownstones falling into disrepair. Windows were shattered and boarded up, cigarette of varying decay littered the ground, and the few people on the street kept to themselves, huddling in their coats to appear smaller, trying not to be witnesses. If anything happened on this street, no police officer would ever know it. Snitches didn’t get stitches; snitches got dead.  
She stepped with purpose, the bedraggled of this part of town instinctively moving out of the way of someone more powerful than themselves. She knew the way like the back of her hand, going to this place whenever she needed to meet up with her team. One or two of them would always be there, no matter the time.  
She stepped into the speakeasy that they called home. The Normandy, owned by civilians, one of the few bars unaffiliated with the mob. This meant that it while it did pay it’s protection fees to whoever owned to area, they didn’t have any problem with her task force using it. It also meant that they served swill, and that almost nobody else went to it.  
The bar was clean, although nothing fancy. A few tables as well as booths scattered around, wood and polished leather, empty. The bartender looked up at her entrance and grinned.  
“Hey, Lieutenant. Little early for a drink, don’t you think?”  
Jeff ‘Joker’ Moreau, one of the co-owners of the bar. He was a short man, wearing a white dress shirt, a simple flat cap, and brown dress pants, all of which had seen better days. He was wheelchair-bound, as he had some sort of illness that he had never divulged to Shepard, though from what she’d heard, it was a miracle he survived infancy. He was wiping a glass slowly, though he’d set it down when she entered.  
“Sorry Joker, I’m not here for a drink. Any of the crew around?”  
“Only Grunt and the new guy, but I know how you like to have a three person group.” Joker grinned at her, picking the rag and the glass back up. Shepard was a level headed woman, and had only one suspicion; she believed all missions should be done in threes, regardless of the difficulty that entailed.  
“Joker, it wouldn’t kill you to learn his name.”  
“We’re talking about an assassin; it might.”  
She huffed in exasperation, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it. Joker was convinced that Thane wouldn’t stick around, and only time could prove him wrong. She moved towards the back room, where her team usually hung out.  
Joker had been telling the truth; only Grunt and Thane were there, Grunt drinking what was surely a horrifying concoction, and Thane leaning against a wall, smoking.  
“We found Jedore. We’re leaving in five.” It could never be said that Shepard was not a professional. She kept her orders brief, and didn’t spend time dicking around when there was work to be done.  
“I’m ready. Let's go now.” Grunt was always up for a fight, and even as he said that, he was putting his drink down and cracking his knuckles. Thane pushed himself off the wall and nodded to Shepard.  
“Grab your gear first. I don't think Jedore’ll have any people left, but it never hurts.”  
She turned heel and left the room. They were both out within three minutes. Grunt wore some kind of Krogan armor, as always, and carried a frighteningly large shotgun, a Claymore. Thane was wearing a black… she supposed it was a suit, although she had never seen it’s type before. It must have been a style exclusive to Drell. She had taken him on one or two minor missions before to see how he operated, and he had worn this outfit every time, though she’d noticed that when he was at the bar and not on a mission, he wore full human-style suits. It wasn’t her problem if he wanted to embrace Earth culture, but she didn’t understand why he chose not to on missions. He carried an SMG, as well as a Sniper. Both were vaguely familiar, but she only recognized them as standard street weapons rather than by their make.  
The three made their way to the hideout through public transportation. None of them had a car, so they had to make due, alternatively allowing crowds to part around them and slipping through the quiet, hidden spaces. Shepard glanced at the sky just once as she hopped a fence. The sky was cast in the yellows and pinks of sunset. They wouldn’t make it before dark, which was unfortunate. The Citadel never slept, but with the night came the sorts of people who lived in it. Not that she didn’t almost prefer them, when compared to the Council members and their ilk. At least she knew where she stood with criminals.  
It was always strange, riding the subway. It was older than she was, and constantly broke down or was delayed besides, and meanwhile thousands of people were traveling on spaceships at speeds that defied thought. Some people were bitter, that aliens came to their home and refused to share, but Shepard didn’t mind it much. She’d been only a few years old when the Krogan came knocking, so she’d never really known anything else. Nobody stopped them, despite their weapons, or perhaps because of them.  
The warehouses in the Zakara Ward were well known for being fronts, but officers never did anything besides making an occasional ruckus to get kickbacks from whoever was using them. Shepard hated those kinds of people. Their duty was to protect and serve, but all they served was themselves. The sky, as she’d predicted, was that particular grey color that meant it was night. Citadel skies were never truly dark, for all the lack of visible stars. She didn’t pause to muse, continuing to the docks. Philosophy was for other, smarter people, with more time on their hands.  
The warehouse exterior looked abandoned, which wasn’t helped by the complete lack of apparent life. It was low-tide, and the whole area smelled like sulfur. She turned around to face Grunt and Thane, who were standing a few paces behind her. She nodded towards the entrance, and swiftly made her way towards it, trusting them to follow.  
When she entered, her immediate thought was to wonder where Garrus got his information, because clearly it was faulty. Dust was everywhere, and the whole place looked as if no one had ever been inside in the first place. There were a few flies buzzing lazily around, as well as some signs of rodents, but nothing that indicated a larger mammalian presence. Still, Garrus wasn’t usually wrong about these things, and he wouldn’t have given her the location if he didn’t trust his source. She stepped further into the warehouse, quickly assessing her surroundings as she did so. It was empty, but there were a few other rooms and other possible hiding places, and if it was only Jedore, and she never went to the front entrance, that could explain the lack of visible presence.  
“Split up. Standard cover procedure.”  
They both complied instantly. Grunt went to the east to look in the other rooms, while Thane was to search in narrow and hard to reach places. Shepard went to the west, where there was a few crates and panels. She cast her gaze over them, the crates obviously too small to hide a full grown woman. She noticed a larger panel lying on top of crate that was pushed a little further from the wall than the others. She moved slowly towards it, drawing out her pistol as she did so. She crouched and peeked into the panel. She reeled back from the sight of a corpse, perhaps a few days old, though she’d need to get a better look to know for certain. She removed the panel and pushed the crate away. She leaned in, putting away her gun. The corpse was definitely Jedore, or someone had found a very good double.  
“Over here!” She waved Grunt and Thane over to her side. Grunt didn’t remember Jedore, and Thane had never met the woman, but she still needed a second opinion.  
“What do you think?” She asked, Grunt leaning towards the body in much the same way she did.  
“Of what, the body?” Grunt asked curtly. The Krogan had little patience, which has synonymous to saying that water was wet.  
“No, whether was should have tea or coffee later. Of course I mean the body.”  
Grunt was silent for a long time. “It's dead.” He said, finally.  
Shepard rolled her eyes. “Is it Jedore?”  
Grunt shrugged. She turned to Thane, instead. “What's your take on this?”  
He kneeled down next to the body, turning it onto it’s back. He spent a long time examining it, occasionally moving a limb or adjusting it’s position to get a better look at it. He stood, after a time, and faced Shepard.  
“She was murdered.” He said gravely. “A bullet entered her skull, but there are no exit wounds, so it must still be in there. I suspect it was done at long range.” He paused. His facial expression barely changed, and Shepard suddenly wished it was common practice for Drell to speak like Elcor did. “Shepard... I believe this was more than just a random murder.”  
She nodded in agreement. In her experience, if someone was killed in a fit of rage, the weapon was not usually a gun. The placement of the body and the lack of blood at the scene were also highly suspicious. Someone had planned this.  
Grunt disagreed. “Why go to all this effort? She was less than nothing. She had no people, no territory. What would be the point?”  
She crouched down in front of Jedore. “I don't know.” She sighed. “I need to call this in. Grunt, you can leave, but I'm going to need you to stay, Thane.”  
It was some time before they were able to leave the warehouse. The officers kept asking for her recount of the events, even though they all knew that nobody was going to care enough to find out why someone as small time as Jedore was murdered. This wasn't going to be taken care of by her precinct, and it probably wouldn't be passed over to her Task Force. She only received cases that had explicitly to do with the mob, and if it was decided that Jedore was murdered out of vengeance and not envy, she'd never see the case again, and from what she’d heard, the officers on scene were leaning towards the former. It made sense. Jedore had certainly made enemies, and it was entirely possible one of them came after her once she no longer had men and walls to protect her. Something about it didn't sit right with Shepard, however. She needed information, which was why she’d had Thane stick around.  
“Thane, what do you think you can get me on this?”  
“It depends on who knows what. I might not be able to get anything. I'll call in some favors, but if this was random, then there's not much I can find.”  
She nodded. This was why she’d taken him in. It was the same reason she made their home base a speakeasy, albeit an unpopular one, the same reason why she kept Kasumi and Zaeed around. Nobody knew how to get information from criminals better than a criminal.  
“Get back to me in a week with what you found.”  
“Of course.” He walked away, lighting a cigarette as he did so.  
She sighed, and started walking as well. She needed to have a few conversations of her own before this night was through.

She didn't like the Illusive Man. She thought him an arrogant, xenophobic, asshole with a God complex a mile wide. He made the sorts of decisions nobody had the right to as easily as she breathed. He’d messed up, multiple times, and she sometimes woke up in the night remembering the electronic screams of a scared boy, or the cries of a squad of 50 dying around her. Jack, too, was a testament to his crimes, and whatever his intentions, it hadn't been worth it. But that was, perhaps, the worst part; he thought it was. The Greater Good, in her experience, only made people impossible to work with.  
“Good evening, Lieutenant. I trust your mission is going well.”  
The most unfortunate thing about the Illusive Man was that she needed him. She couldn't trust the Council to back her up on anything, or give her the information she needed. The Illusive Man, if nothing else, was supportive of her endeavors. He considered her quest to destroy the hold the mob had on Citadel a benefit to humanity at large, despite the fact that she’d made it clear that she considered Cerberus as just another mob.  
“I found Jedore dead in a warehouse tonight. I was wondering if you knew anything about it.”  
He lifted his cigarette out of his mouth as he considered, and she was glad that they weren’t technically in the same room. She wasn't sure she understood the technology he was using, though with the Terra Embargo laws, he hadn’t gotten it legally.  
“Jedore was arrogant, and is certainly better off dead.” Another pause. “There's no point in killing her, though. I don't know why anyone would bother”  
“That's what I intend to find out.”  
She stepped back from the platform, the hologram of The Illusive Man disappearing. She turned to leave the base, nodding at Operative Lawson as she passed. Jacob had told her good things about Lawson, but the woman had not elected to join her team, and Shepard wasn’t about to push the issue. If Lawson wanted to stay in whatever hole Cerberus put her in, that was her choice.  
It was late, so late it was nearly morning, and Shepard had paperwork to avoid doing. Normally she would have gone back to The Normandy to debrief, but Thane was certainly off either getting her information or getting money, and Grunt didn’t care about that sort of thing. If she went back to her apartment now, she could crash for a few hours and still be able to function the next day.  
The train was nearly empty, only two other people in her car, both of whom looked like they were seriously considering just falling asleep then and there. She didn’t think she looked much better. Her stop was mercifully close, and she managed to stumble into her apartment and get the door shut behind her without any problems. The fifteen flights of stair were hard, but she didn’t have the money for a building with an elevator.  
She lived in a small two room apartment, her kitchen containing only an icebox and a stove. Her living room was a second hand couch and a radio on a night table that was one wrong hand placement away from collapse. Her bed was a single with an old mattress and a quilt blanket her grandmother had knit, separated from the rest of the room by a partition. Her bathroom, the other room in the apartment, had a sink, a tub, and a toilet.  
Shepard pulled off her shoes and belt, and hung her holster on a rack. She didn’t bother changing into nightclothes, instead pulling herself into bed. She was out within moments of hitting the mattress, and if she dreamt that night, she didn’t remember it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On my tumblr I've also posted about my updated posting schedule, so if you're interested in knowing when I'm moving the post date, go take a look.  
> I guess this is a procedural cop drama now?


	3. i like us better when we're wasted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they get lit and Shep talks to Saren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3rd chapter! Still don't know how long this fucker's gonna be. Find me at [mass-defect](https://mass-defect.tumblr.com/)  
> Sex mentions in this chapter.

Shepard wandered into The Normandy that weekend. The past few days had been spent trying to convince the mortician to give her access to Jedore’s autopsy report, despite the fact that Shepard was not involved in the case. The police from the 34th precinct had brushed her off when she went to them, one of them muttering about how she thought that just because she had a fancy task force and a tragic backstory, that entitled her to whatever she wanted. She’d had loads of paperwork to do, and Jacobs had dumped his paperwork on her desk, claiming it was the only thing rookies were good for. 

It had been a very exhausting week, and she was more than ready to have some  _ fun _ . 

She’d called the whole task force there with only a single goal in mind: to get fucked up. Despite the fact that the meetup was supposed to be a sundown, and despite the fact that she’d arrived early, there were already quite a few people well on their way to drunkenness. 

She passed by Zaeed, who was regaling a bored looking Jack with one of his many stories. They both held large cups filled to brim with whatever swill Joker and EDI were serving. Joker and EDI themselves were behind the bar, flirting playfully while placing full glasses on the bar. EDI would keep track of how much was actually drunk that night and charge them later. Grunt was arguing with Wrex about who was the better Krogan. 

Wrex caught her eye and waved her over. Not seeing an out, she went, knowing that they would pull her into the conversation. The mercenary had joined her team early on, being the first non-citizen to help them out. He’d felt that though on the surface the mob bosses were similar to how Krogans did things, they were ultimately damaging, and needed to change, just as the Krogans did. 

“Grunt, Wrex.” She greeted.

“Shepard,” Wrex said.

“Shepard,” Grunt also said.

“Shepaaaard,” Wrex grunted.

“ _ She _ pa **rd** ,” Grunt growled.

“Ugh,” Shepard groaned. She wasn’t about to sit around for five minutes while they said her name a second time, so she quickly exited the conversation. She glanced around again, spotting Tali over in a corner. She brightened; perhaps Tali would be less annoying. 

“What’s up, Tali?” 

Tali lifted her head from her drink. “Hey, Shepard. Me and Kasumi almost got arrested for this batch.” 

“No kidding?” Tali had once been the sole bootlegger for The Normandy, but when Kasumi had stolen from them, Tali had insisted that she pay it back by working with her. A year later, the two were thick as, well, thieves. 

“Yeah, some guys who don’t know how things work. They wouldn’t even take any!” Tali scoffed, as though officers not taking a bribe was ridiculous. 

Shepard laughed and grabbed a glass from the bar. “Hey,” she said, sipping, “do you think we should play a game once everyone gets here?” 

Tali nodded enthusiastically.

* * *

It was perhaps an hour later when everyone else showed up, Jacob arriving last. Garrus looked up from his seat at the line of tables and chairs.

“Look who finally decided to show up. Say, didn’t Lawson teach you anything about being punctual?” 

Jacob waved a noncommittal hand in his direction. “Why are we lining up the tables?” he asked.

“We’re playing!” Kasumi shouted, already tipsy.

Jacob’s face drained of color. “Oh god,” he said.

“It won’t be like last time! EDI wants to replace stuff as much as we want to pay for them, she’ll keep an eye on us!” Tali said, placating. 

“What… happened last time?” Thane asked. 

Garrus, who was next to him, patted his shoulder. “Trust me, you don’t wanna know.” 

Jacob sat, albeit slowly, in the only remaining chair next to Zaeed. 

Shepard cleared her throat. “We’re playing Ten Fingers. Everyone know what that is?” Everyone at the table nodded. “Okay, house rules: the only limit is how far you’re willing to go, and no shaming anyone who wants out, got it?” She waited for objections, and when none came, she said, “I’ll start, and we’ll go to my left. I’ve never been off planet.” Several grumbles came from the aliens, all of whom had to down a shot. 

It was only ten minutes in that everyone started doing personal attacks. “I’ve never crashed a blimp,” Garrus said smugly. 

“That was one time, you fucker!” Jack yelled from across the table. She slammed her shot and glared at him. 

“I’ve never…. Sucked dick at the beach and got pinched by a crab.” Tali slurred. There were several snorts from the table.

“Yeah, yeah, keep laughing.” Ashley grumbled. “I’ve never deepthroated a cucumber.” 

Kaiden drank. “What the fuck, dude.” Garrus deadpanned. “That’s weird.” 

“Oh yeah? I’ve never passed up sex to do ‘calibrations’.” 

Garrus shrugged and drank. “They’re important.” 

“To be fair, Garrus  _ is _ an idiot.” Ashley said. 

“Hey!”

“I’ve never said Garrus is an idiot.” Kasumi said. 

“Now we all know that’s not true,” Ashley laughed, drinking. Shepard gleefully downed one of her shots, and saw Tali, Kaiden, and Wrex do the same. 

“Oh, well? Well I’ve never taken it from behind,” Garrus declared. 

Ashley and Kaiden raised their glasses ruefully, while Liara tried to hide it. 

Jacob laughed. “I’ve never been married.” Samara drank. From the corner of her eye, Shepard saw Thane drink. A hush fell across the table. They were, by and large, still uncomfortable with the man, and nobody knew what to say. Shepard had heard some of the story, but she knew by the fact he spoke of his wife in the past tense that it didn’t end happy.

“Is it my turn?” Thane asked. “I’ve never… had casual sex.” The entire table rioted. 

* * *

Two hours later, the large group had been narrowed to Shepard, Wrex, and Thane. She suspected the only reason Thane was still in it was because nobody knew enough about him to specifically make him drink. 

“I’ve never had a penis,” she said, after a long period of deliberation. Both of the men drank. 

“I’ve never been clinically dead,” Wrex replied. 

“Wait, really?” Shepard asked, reaching for her shot. 

“Yep. Nobody’s ever done it.” 

Thane laced his fingers together, and said, “I’ve never been a police officer.” 

Shepard drank. “I’ve never been in love.” She wasn’t sad about it.  

Thane took his shot, and said, “Perhaps that’s enough for one night.” He got up from the table and left the bar entirely.

Wrex narrowed his eyes. “Just you and me, Shepard.”

She cracked her knuckles. “You’re on.” 

* * *

Shepard finally conceded defeat when she could no longer see. Most of the team had left a while ago, and the only ones who’d stayed were either passed out or as drunk as Shepard was. EDI smiled at her. “Do you require assistance, Lieutenant?” 

Shepard waved her off. “I’ll be fine. Thanks anyway.” She slowly made her way to the door, grappling any surfaces she could find. It took her a while to figure out how to work the door without falling over, but she eventually managed it. As she wobbled outside, she saw Thane leaning against the wall, smoking. 

“I thought you’d left,” she said, narrowing her eyes. 

“I was waiting. I have the information you requested.” 

“The… information?” She asked, confused. 

“About the murder of Jedore. My contacts believe she was-” 

“Oh yeah, that bitch!”

He blinked, fully closing his eyes, which was strange. She hadn’t seen him do that much. 

“Yes, well, I’ve been told she was killed because she ‘knew things’.”

“What sorts of things?” 

He took a drag off his cigarette, blowing the smoke out slowly. “One of them mentioned it had to do with Reapers.” She looked up sharply. “I see you’re familiar.”

She was familiar, alright. Two years ago she’d brought in a corrupt officer named Saren, who’d claimed that he’d been forced to do the things he’d done by a mysterious gang called Reapers. He was given protection for his information, all of which lead them to a dead end. Most figured that it had been a lie to get him out of trouble, but privately, Shepard thought otherwise. There were a few too many things about that case that couldn’t have possibly been done by Saren on his own. His control over the Geth, the Virmire Labs, Noveria… all of it reeked of an outside influence, though Shepard hadn’t been able to prove anything.

She sighed. “Krios, I’m too drunk to deal with this. Just… tell me again later or whatever, I’m going home.” She walked away, before stopping and turning her head back towards him. “Sorry ‘bout the marriage question. That wasn’t fair.” 

“There was no issue. It’s part of the game, no? Admitting to things we might not otherwise.” 

She smiled, though it was more of a wobbly upturn. “You’re actually alright, Thane.” 

“Quite the compliment, I’m sure.” 

She snorted. She was sure that if she told the others Thane had made something approximating a joke, they wouldn’t believe her. “Later!” She called, beginning her slow trot back to the subway. 

* * *

She woke up the next day with a raging hangover. She groaned at the light filtering into her room from her singular window, and would’ve just shut her eyes again and ignored the world if it weren’t for her bladder. She crashed her way towards her bathroom, and rooted around her medicine basket to look for some painkillers. She nearly cried when all she came up with was an empty bottle, so she was forced to drink a ton of water, lay back down, and try to ignore her splitting headache. 

She finally got up a few hours later, which she could tell from the fact that the light was lower on the wall than before. She groaned and looked in her ice box, trying to find something to eat. All she turned up was a sandwich that was old enough to have developed sentience, so she promptly threw it out and grabbed her wallet. She should’ve gone grocery shopping earlier, when she wasn’t nursing a hangover, but past her always loved fucking her over. 

The grocery store was far too bright and far too crowded, and when she finally made it back she was thoroughly ready to declare the world pointless, move to the mountains, and become a hermit. She opened the bottle of ibuprofen she got and dry swallowed two pills, putting the rest in her basket. She put away some of groceries, except for the grocery-store dinner she’d gotten, which was just shitty pasta and cheap chicken and maybe an herb or vegetable, if she was lucky. 

She ate slowly. She knew she needed to talk to Saren as soon as she could. Shepard remembered Thane telling her about Reapers, if only vaguely, and Saren was the only person she could think of that would have any information about them. 

Tomorrow, she decided. She could talk to him tomorrow. 

* * *

She left the apartment at first light the next day. She would need all the time she could get if she were going to talk to Saren. Last she recalled, the Turian was holed up in a safehouse in Bachjret. She lived in Shalta, so she’d need go on a very long train ride to get across the bay.

The train ride was very nearly as long and annoying as she thought it’d have been. It wasn’t crowded, not this early, but it was hot, and it still took her nearly an hour to get to Bachjret. It was no longer early morning, and civilians were starting to swarm the streets. She didn’t quite have to push her way through, but it was a near thing. 

Saren’s safe house looked just like any other building in the neighborhood, which she supposed was the point. It was just a regular apartment, and she had to think for a few moments to remember what floor he was on, and room beyond that. 

She raced up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Saren’s place, apartment 11Q. She knocked several times, pounding on the door. She was about to simply open the door and be done with it when it cracked open. 

“What are you doing here, Lieutenant? Come to brag?” His harsh voice floated through the air, and even she could hear the bitterness laced in his words. 

“I need to talk to you about the Reapers.” That got to door open a little more, and she could see his face, or part of it. 

“I thought you lot decided I was lying.” 

“There’s been some… developments. I’ll explain more if you let me in.” 

His eyes narrowed, his mandibles twitching erratically. She’d never learned to read Turian facial expressions, especially since with Garrus, one didn’t really need to. There was a moment where she thought he might just slam the door in her face, but instead he opened it cautiously, and waved her inside. They sat at his small kitchen table, and she had a moment to be annoyed at the fact that his place was bigger than hers. It was nearly as empty though, as she didn’t see any knick-knacks or decorations. 

“A woman named Jedore was killed about a week ago. My information says she was killed because she knew something about the Reapers. You were the one who always insisted that the whole plot was them, so I was hoping you might know more.”

“Shepard, if I knew anything else about them, I would have told you a long time ago. I’m afraid I’ve got nothing for you.”

“I investigated you, Saren. I was the one who brought you in. I know better than anyone that there was someone pulling your strings. If I can find them, I might be able to help you out.” 

His face didn’t change, or if it did she couldn’t perceive it, but she could hear the ruefulness in his voice like a physical thing. “Even you can’t help me, Lieutenant. And if you could, I still don’t have anything the tell you that I haven’t already.” He got up from the chair. “You shouldn’t be wasting your time here.” She nodded, and went to the door. She wasn’t keen on overstaying her welcome. 

As she opened the door and began to exit, she heard Saren say, “Shepard, one more thing.” She paused, waiting. “If what you say is true, and this woman was killed because she knew something… it might be better if you left this one alone. No shame in backing down from a fight you can’t win.” 

“No can do, Saren. I didn’t ignore you, I’m not going to ignore this either.” She left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you don't know, Ten Fingers is another name for Never Have I Ever.  
> I've decided to make Citadel like NYC, with five boroughs (wards) and a big ol' river/bay between them. It's not necessarily that they're different wards that takes so long, it's just a bunch of stops. If I wanted to get from Soho to Harlem that would still be a super long train, even though they're in the same borough. I hope that makes sense.  
> When Thane says 'casual sex', he means a one-night stand.  
> Also, I've never been drunk once in my entire life, and it really shows in this chapter.  
> Peace!


	4. and should the sky be filled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, you can find me at [mass-defect](https://mass-defect.tumblr.com/). shoot me a message!  
> also, this chapter includes minor character death, guns, and fire/smoke.

Shepard wasn’t expecting Operative Lawson to burst into her apartment that morning. She’d sent everyone out to get whatever information they could about Reapers, but even two weeks later, they were still coming up empty. 

“Lawson?” She asked, looking up from her breakfast of coffee and toast. “What the hell are you doing in my apartment? Also, how the fuck do you know where I live?” 

“That doesn’t matter-”

“It does.”

“-because we need to move, Shepard. Now.” 

Shepard sighed. “Why should I do what you tell me?” she asked, chugging her coffee and stuffing her toast down regardless. 

“I don’t know if you’ve heard, but people are going missing. Entire towns, just gone. Not just the people, either. By the time anyone gets there, most of the town has been burnt down. The Illusive Man got word about one called Freedom’s Progress not far up North that’s supposed to be next, and we’re going to investigate.” 

“Right,” Shepard said, putting on a shirt that wasn’t too dirty, “but upstate isn’t in my jurisdiction. Even if it’s mob stuff, I work in the city, Lawson.” 

“The Illusive Man was under the impression that that wouldn’t stop you.” Lawson said, crossing her arms.

Shepard grinned, grabbing her holster. “He was right.” 

 

The drive up was mostly silent, only broken when Shepard asked, again, exactly how Lawson knew where she lived. She would only say that she knew people, and nothing else, which was incredibly annoying. Perhaps ten minutes out from the town, Shepard asked, “Okay, so this place is meant to be next, but when will it get hit? Are we supposed to stay there til it does?” 

Miranda kept her eyes on the road, and for a moment Shepard wondered if she’d even heard the question. But, she finally said, “The fact that we know this means it can’t be long. I wouldn’t be surprised to pull up to a ghost town, frankly.” 

Shepard nodded, and put her hand on her gun. Years later, Shepard would claim that the moment she stepped out of the car, she felt something was off, and that’s how she knew to dive to the ground and avoid the bullet streaking towards her. In reality, she fell, and got a bruise instead of a new hole. The two women heard more shots go off, and Shepard lept over to the other side of the car and ducked behind it. 

“Looks like whoever is taking these people are still here.” Lawson shouted, aiming over the head of the car. 

“No fucking kidding!” Shepard shouted back. She glanced through the window, only to rear back as it shattered. She took out her gun and tried for the back of the car. She looked out, and tried to account for their assailants. There were ten in total, hiding behind buildings and… rubble? How on Earth was there already rubble? She ducked back behind the car, and took a moment to steady herself before coming back up. She aimed, and it felt like time was slowing, noise falling away. She heard, distantly, as if through water, Lawson curse. She felt bullets whizzing past her face, smelt smoke. She inhaled, and shot twice at an alien firing from a doorway, hitting him in the head both times. She didn’t stop to see them go down, but switched to one in a windowsill, firing once. They slumped, and fell down from the window with a thud. She exhaled, and killed the two on the left hiding behind some rubble. She ducked back down, reloaded, and came back up. Almost as soon as she did, she saw the head of one explode. Lawson’s doing, then. Shepard inhaled, and shot three more in quick succession, and she heard rather than saw Lawson kill another. Exhaled, and fired at the last one, hitting them in the neck. The alien gurgled, and fell. She reloaded, and she and Lawson both waited for a minute before cautiously moving away from the car. 

Lawson nodded, and looked at Shepard. “Ten men in two minutes. You’re wasted as an officer.” 

Shepard didn’t answer, too busy moving forward into the town. They moved through, and saw a few people on the streets. Shepard instantly brought up her gun, but after a moment of nothing happening, lowered it again, this time in confusion. She walked to the people, and saw them surrounded by static. When she looked closer, she realized it was actually very tiny bugs. 

“What the hell…” She muttered, glancing at Lawson, who came up next to her.  “Why aren’t they moving?” 

“This must be how they’re emptying these towns.”

“Can we help them? Maybe if I-” She reached towards the people, only for Lawson to grab her arm.

“Don’t. Whatever it is hasn’t affected us yet, let’s not risk it.” 

Shepard nodded, and retracted her arm. “Maybe there’s someone still moving in all this?” 

“We’ll have to be careful. Those ten out front couldn’t been the only ones here.” 

As they moved further into the town, there seemed to be fewer and fewer frozen people. They came across a few of the aliens along the way, though never more than two at a time, and she and Lawson dispatched them easily. They kept going, and soon there were no people at all. Instead there were a much larger group of aliens, as well as what seemed to be every car in town. They quickly ducked behind the side of the building and looked out at the group.

“What are they doing?” Lawson whispered, as some of the aliens carried barrels to the car. Others poured a liquid out everywhere, and Shepard frowned. That’s when the smell hit her. Her eyes widened, and she grabbed Lawson’s arm, tugging her along as she ran. 

“What… are you crazy? We need to find out what they’re doing!” Lawson whisper-shouted from behind her.

“It’s gas, Lawson!” Shepard explained, still tugging her. “That’s why all the towns were burnt!” 

She knew when Lawson understood, as that was the precise moment she stopped resisting and starting running, too. The two women sprinted back to the car, and Shepard rocketed into her seat. Lawson fumbled with the keys before getting them into the ignition, before finally managing to start the car. She floored it, and the car screeched as she turned sharply away from the town. 

“They’re not really going to burn it. They can’t, not while they’re still in there.” Even as Lawson said it, Shepard heard a loud boom from behind them. Lawson stopped the car in the middle of the road, and when Shepard looked, she saw fire and smoke. She got out of the car, and just watched the smoke climb into the sky. She and Lawson stood there, together, for a very long time, and when they finally got into the car and drove back, neither of them spoke the whole way.

 

“Based on your descriptions, I think I know what did this. A race, called the Collectors. I call them a race, but they’re your territory, Shepard. They don’t usually take people like this.” He took his cigarette out of his mouth, and blew smoke quite unattractively. “I’m going to look into this immediately. In the meantime, you two should take some time off. You did good work today.” His hologram blipped, and Shepard and Miranda were left alone in the dark room.

Shepard scoffed. “Good work? People died today. That’s not ‘good work’.” She said, mostly to herself.

Miranda looked at her curiously. “For all we know, the whole town was taken. They could all still be alive.” 

“And the people we killed? The ones who stayed behind to blow up Freedom’s Progress?” 

It was Miranda’s turn to scoff, and she crossed her arms. “They took people! They blew up the town themselves! Hell, they shot at us!” 

“Doesn’t mean they deserved to die.” 

Lawson shook her head. “I don’t understand how you can act like  _ this  _ and work with criminals at the same time.” 

“Criminals are people too, Lawson.” She walked away, without saying goodbye. 

 

She drank at the Normandy that night, more than she should have. It took a lot to make her drunk, but today had been… bad. Even EDI was starting to look concerned, which was probably the reason that Joker cut her off. He’d also convinced her that it was better if she stayed there for the night instead of trying to go home, using Chakwas as a very effective threat. He directed her to a couch that was very nearly as shitty as hers, and she laid down on her side. It took her a very long time to get to sleep, and when she did, she dreamt of fire. She woke up suddenly with the smell of smoke in her nose, and in a panic she fumbled off the couch before realizing it was just cigarette smoke.  She tried to fall back asleep, but even with the knowledge that there was no fire, the smoke put her on edge. She finally gave up and went outside. The air might have been polluted and far from fresh, but at least it would calm her down, just a little. When she got outside, she still smelt smoke, and when she looked for the source, she found Krios, just outside the door. 

“Thane? What are you doing here-” She looked at the still-dark sky “- so late?” 

“My home is… I am unwelcome.” He said, leaning back against the side of the building.

“What do you mean, ‘unwelcome’?” She asked. She was too tired, and still a little drunk, so she sat on the ground next to him. She’d sat on worse than a dirty sidewalk. 

“I told my son what I do. He didn’t take it well.” He said, quietly. She leaned her head back against the wall. 

“So how is it you’re the one on the streets?” 

“Kolyat needs space to calm down. I have a safe enough place to go, he does not.” He kneeled down next to her, his body still not quite touching the ground. “Why are you here, Shepard?”

“I got too drunk.” She said, closing her eyes.

“And why did you get too drunk?” His voice was softer, somehow, than usual. She imagined him speaking to a small child this way. It was not a far reach. She considered what to tell him. Though he’d largely been free with his past, she’d shared almost nothing of hers. He hadn’t asked, hadn’t been curious. She’d appreciated that, even as she knew how difficult it must have been for him to tell her about his wife. 

“Me and Lawson went out on a mission. Some innocent people got taken, and some people got killed. And these aliens… they blew up the center of town, and let the rest of it burn.” 

He did not ask anything else, and she thought about how he knew when it was time to back off. Shepard, incessantly curious, had never really learned that skill. She pressed her team mates, pressed until they either blew up or told her what she wanted to know. She knew she should be more tactful, let them decide when to tell her, but in the moment, she often forgot to do that. There was a very long pause, so long that it was no longer a pause, simply an end to a conversation. He had gotten back to his feet, though he was still against the side of the building, and clearly not going anywhere any time soon. She was still sitting, her legs stretched out against the pavement, and she started at the void above her. No stars, not in Citadel. 

“When I was sixteen, some people attacked my town.” She said, apropos of nothing. “I watched both my parents die in a span of minutes. So many terrible things happened that day, but you know the thing that haunts me?” She paused, eyes flicking over the empty sky. “The fields. Rows and rows of wheat caught flame. An entire year’s work, gone up in smoke. They never really stop burning.” 

He didn’t answer her, and when she looked up, she saw him putting out his cigarette. “It’s late, Shepard. We should go inside.” 

They did, and she went back to sleep on the couch. She wasn’t sure where Thane would sleep, though she had a feeling he was the sort who could sleep just about anywhere. The next morning, as she got ready for work, he didn’t mention their conversation at all. 

“Thanks, Thane.” She said, as she exited. If he answered, she didn’t hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few things:  
> I'm thinking of maybe making this a series where, like, I add one shots and drabbles that take place in the universe. If you wanna see, for example, some characters interacting, or you wanna send in a prompt, or something, I'm more than happy to oblige! Obviously, I won't do NSFW things.  
> And speaking of NSFW, there won't be any smut in this work.   
> That's all, see you next week lads.


	5. you load sixteen tons, and what do you get

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha whoops it's been super long.  
> I have 0 excuses.  
> Find me at [mass-defect](https://mass-defect.tumblr.com/)

There was a particular factory in Kithoi that, from the outside, did not look different from any other factory. It looked exactly as dilapidated and unused as the ones surrounding it. But Shepard knew that appearances could be deceiving. The Illusive Man had told her it would be empty: a group of Turians had wiped it not two days ago, and no sane gang would return to a place that had been tagged. They were hoping to find some kind of information on The Collectors. Where they worked, how they operated, numbers, anything. She hoped the Turian’s scorched earth tactics hadn't ruined anything. But Turians ruined most things, and she was honestly surprised the whole building hadn't been burned down. 

She motioned at Mordin and Grunt to follow her, and the three went inside the building, weapons drawn. Shepard went first: she wouldn't expose her people to any danger she hadn't scoped out first. She eyed the inside of the building, the dim lights flickering overhead. She heard flies buzzing somewhere above her, and immediately noticed a console off to her right. That was definitely illegal; the Terra Embargo Laws stated very clearly that any off world technology was not allowed on Earth, and that anyone who knew of illegal tech and didn’t alert authorities was complicit. It didn’t mean anyone actually listened, of course; it was the same as Prohibition, and even if anybody was caught, bribing the officer was as simple as breathing. She went straight towards it, and said, 

“Mordin, can you figure this out?” She nodded towards the console.

“Certainly.” He stood in front of it and started tapping the screen. She stood beside him, keeping an eye on their flanks. Grunt was moving further into the facility cautiously, and called out to Shepard to come look at something. She went, ensuring mordin she would return as quickly as possible. She found Grunt standing in front of a pile of bodies, or what was left of them. There was so much blood. 

“What the hell happened to them? Are these the missing villagers?” she asked. Grunt shrugged. “Why bother taking them alive if they’re only going to do this?” 

“Maybe they’re test subjects.” Grunt suggested.

“If they are, then they’re lucky.” She caught something out of the corner of her eye. It was round and oblong, and it looked like if someone took the largest shit ever taken. As she approached it, she realized it was some sort of pod, and that there was more than one of them; there were hundreds, maybe thousands, lining the walls and ceilings. 

“What the hell…” she said, quietly. 

“Shepard! Mordin says to come back!” Grunt called out. She glanced at the pods for another moment, and then ran back to where she left Mordin. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked, taking another glance around.

“According to this, Collectors used to be another species entirely. The Protheans.” 

“They’re those guys that made the rest of you jump start to space travel, right?” 

“Yes. They’re also extinct.” He said. 

“They clearly aren’t.” Grunt grunted. 

“Not so. These are almost nothing like Protheans. It’s like comparing a Salarian and an Earth lizard; similarities there may be, but obviously are different species.” 

“So…” Shepard leaded, wanting him to get on with it. 

“So, Protheans still extinct. Also, Collectors are keeping people alive. The bodies you and Grunt found earlier abnormalities. Apparently some were here not too long ago.” 

“If they’re still alive, then where…” Shepard started, and then she blanched, horrified. “The pods.” She whispered. “Are they all gone?” She turned to Mordin. 

“Yes. No human life signs in facility.” Mordin confirmed.

“No human life signs?” Grunt asked.

“Only bugs. Low heat, flying. Likely the flies.” 

“Anything else on that thing?” She said, pointing her gun at the console.

“No.” He said. She shot it. 

“Let’s move further in, then.” 

They walked for what seemed like ages. She didn’t understand how these places always seemed so much larger on the inside. They found more and more pods, enough to hold every human in the world. They stopped checking them for life after the hundredth empty one. 

They rounded on what looked like a side operations area, on the third floor, suspended above the ground. There was a console in the middle of it. Mordin went to it, and Shepard glanced around them. Something seemed off, though she couldn’t say what. The flies were still buzzing, and she didn’t hear anything else. She must be imagining things, or perhaps she was paranoid. The stress was getting to her; after all, Turians left nothing behind. She looked at the console, at the flickering lights, the bugs around them. 

“Say Grunt, Mordin, don’t Turians usually employ a scorched earth policy?” 

“Yes.” Mordin said distractedly.

“So how come the electricity is still on?” She asked softly, staring at the flies hard, searching. She raised her gun, as did Grunt. “We need to get out of here.” She decided, turning back the way they came. The door slammed, and when she went to open it, it was locked tight. She fired at the door, but whatever metal it was made from barely even had a scratch. “Fuck.”

“Shepard, no records of any Turians at all. Every other thing is recorded diligently, but not a major invasion. Seems unlikely!” 

“We’ve been tricked. The Illusive Man was tricked.” She said, eyes narrowed, searching the darkness. 

“Also unlikely. The Illusive Man was watching this place; would’ve seen that there were no Turians.” 

“I’m gonna kill him.” Grunt said.

“We can kill him after we get out of here. Mordin, if this place wasn’t attacked, then why let us in at all? Why let us get this far?” 

“Answer obvious, Shepard. To trap us.” 

She heard them before she saw them; Hundreds of buzzing flies. But they weren’t flies at all. They were the bugs that had surrounded the colonists, back at Horizon. Mordin backed away from the console, and the room quickly filled with Collectors. One of them said to the others, “Kill the aliens. Leave Shepard alive.” 

The three raised their guns, but Shepard already knew it was hopeless; they were vastly outnumbered. She glanced at the edge of suspended room. It was twenty feet down, which wasn’t great, but they’d live. 

“Hey Grunt!” She shouted, “Jump down!” 

He did so almost immediately, plowing through Collectors to the edge and then hopping off. She moved closer to Mordin, and shouted, “You alive?” while brandishing her gun at the aliens. 

“Yes!” He shouted back.

“Think you can catch Mordin?” 

“I can catch anything!” 

She rolled her eyes, but nodded to Mordin, who climbed so that he was hanging off by his fingers, and then dropped. She backed up as far as she could, the balls of her feet supporting her whole body weight. The Collectors were still aiming at her, but they had orders to take her alive. They wouldn’t kill her if they could avoid it. She smiled, wildly, and said, “Catch this, dickwads.” and stepped off the edge entirely. She fell for what felt like only an instant, her stomach plunging, before she was suddenly stopped by Grunt. She would bruises later, but it was better than a broken leg, or whatever the Collectors had planned for her. 

“Let’s get the fuck out of here. I have a smoking piece of shit to yell at.” She said, running to the exit, Grunt and Mordin following close behind her. 

“You fucking smoking piece of shit! Why the fuck did you let us go into a trap!” She yelled, furious. “Do you want me to die, or is your head just so far up your own god damn ass that-” 

“Shepard, please, calm down. The only reason why the Collectors let you get that far is because you clearly thought they weren’t there. If I had let you know, it would’ve shown all over your face, and you and your friends wouldn’t have even made it past the front door. We’d have learned nothing.” He said, annoyed. He didn’t like when she yelled at him. He thought it showed that she didn’t respect him, or maybe that she didn’t fear him, or both. That was fine by her, because she didn’t. He was a lying sack of shit, and the only reason that she didn’t walk away then and there was because at least he actually let her get things done, and helped her do it. The Council would’ve denied any official association with her months ago if she was still coming to them for everything. 

“Fine, say I believe you. What the fuck did we learn, besides that they used to be Protheans?” 

“Many things. Mordin managed to get us what he had, and we were able to confirm a suspicion of mine; the Collectors are working for the Reapers.” 

“You learn anything else, or is that the only thing we risked our lives for?” She asked, crossing her arms, still angry.

“We also know their headquarters now. It’s past Omega 4.” 

“Omega? That god awful city? The one where we met Aria?” She asked, shifting her weight.

“Not quite. Omega 4 is an abandoned mining site. It collapsed years ago. Clearings were attempted, but never successful.” He said around his cigarette.

“If it’s so hard to get through, then how can that be HQ?” 

“That’s what I intend to find out. You did good work today, Shepard.” 

She nodded, and turned around to go. “By the way,” she said, her head turned towards him. “if you ever lead my people into a trap again, I’m going to rip that fucking cigarette right out of your hand, and put it out on your eye.” She left before he could respond. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not super long but i wanted to get this one over with. Next chapter should be better there.   
> We're also probably around halfway to the end of this thing. I have the events of basically everything up from this point planned out, this one just took a while.


	6. always be a good boy, don't ever play with guns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in a few hours! I'm rollin' in the creative juices tonight, ya'll.  
> as always, you can find me at [mass-defect](https://mass-defect.tumblr.com/)

She woke up early. She took a quick shower, and even though it wasn’t quite dawn, there was no hot water. She made and ate eggs, scarfing them down so quickly they burned her mouth. She got dressed, grabbed her badge and holster, and went to the subway four blocks east and two blocks north. She paid the toll, which was up from yesterday. They were always raising it, saying it would be lowered eventually, when Citadel had more money. It never was lowered. She got on the train, crowded with office workers and blue collars alike, and held onto the railing. The ride was bumpy, as always, and everyone was jostled. An Asari knocked into her, not stabilized enough. She apologized quickly, and averted her eyes. Shepard said nothing in response. She got off, and walked to the station. It was ten minutes before she was to clock in, but she went in anyway. The fact that she was early meant that she might be lucky enough to not see any of her shitty co-workers. She entered the building, and saw Johnson, Perkins, and O’Neal standing by the coffee maker. She groaned internally, and hunched down slightly, hoping they were too absorbed in their conversation that they didn’t notice her.

“Hey, Shepard,” Perkins called, “why don’t you come get a cup? Work don’t start for another few minutes.” He gestured his mug up to her in greeting, and smiled. Fucking Perkins. He seemed like a sweet country boy for the first minute of any conversation, and quickly revealed himself to be a dumb ass isolationist who hadn’t not only extra-terrestrials, but also immigrants in general. He had blond hair, pale, freckled skin, and he was a short man who looked as if he had spent most of his life lugging hay everywhere, which he probably had. She smiled awkwardly, and joined them. She poured herself a mug, and held it carefully, since it was too hot to make direct contact with it. 

“So, like I was saying, me and Jack busted that booze ring wide open.” O’Neal said proudly. He was smiling like he’d found the cure for polio. He was tall, with brown hair, and though others said he was handsome, should thought all his features were too much one way or the other. His nose was small, his mouth too wide and thin, his eyes too droopy, and his ears looked like cauliflowers. He was an egotistical asshat. He and Jack had shut down a single speakeasy, and he hadn’t figured out which mob controlled the place, or even who they bought the beer from. In his mind, that was comparable to actually taking down a whole damn network. 

“Nice work. Reckon you’ll get a promotion?” Perkins asked, raising his mug to his mouth.

“Hopefully. Although the Lieutenant here hasn’t gone up at all, and the way the Captain tells it, she does more work than all three of us combined.” He replied, grinning. “Why is it you’re still Lieutenant Commander anyway?” He said, turning to her.

She looked at somewhere off to his left. “I dunno. Made somebody made, probably.” 

“How could anyone be mad, to look at you. I’m surprised that people don’t just give up right when they see you, just because of how pretty you are. Or maybe they do, and that’s why you get so much done.” 

She glared at him, but she knew that if she said so much as a single word, he and Perkins would probably spread rumors about how she was a ‘crazy bitch’. Johnson wouldn’t, because he wasn’t that much of an asshole, but he wouldn’t deny anything if anybody asked him, because he didn’t want to be targeted. “Maybe,” She said, amiably. “Or maybe I’m just good at my job. Could go either way, really. Your face clearly isn’t doing you any favors.” 

O’Neal sputtered, but Perkins laughed, and she was pretty sure that she heard Johnson chuckle. They stood there for a little while longer, Perkins trying to make small talk. Shepard didn’t care enough to respond, O’Neal was still too embarrassed, and she had never heard Johnson speak before, so it was a wasted effort. Eventually, of course, Perkins pulled out his politics, and said, “Captain says we might get some more Turians. I hope not. Working with one of them bony faced bastards is bad enough. I don’t get how you can stand to have him on your team, Shepard.” 

She breathed deeply, trying to calm herself, clutching her mug so hard she thought she might break it, for a moment. Garrus was a smug asshole, but he was her smug asshole. She didn’t answer, she simply walked away. Anderson had told her, on her very first day, when she’d punched Johnny Mariks so hard she’d broken his nose because he said some very lewd and shitty comments about an Asari on the force, that engaging would only hurt her, in the end. It was very hard not to get in his face, and this had been a mild comment, compared to some of the other things he’d said. She walked away, going to her desk. She ignored Perkins when he called out to her, pretended he simply didn’t exist. She had a large stack of paperwork, but paperwork was better than dealing with her co-workers. She put down her coffee, opened the first file, and got to work. 

The day went by slowly. The minutes seemed like hours, accompanied by the ticking clocks and pens scratching. She finished half the files before lunch, but worked right through it. She got up once to use the bathroom, and another time to get more coffee. She was still two hours from being able to go home, and she probably would have to stay late for some reason or another. She sighed, and reached for another file, when Alisha, the girl at the front desk, came up to her.

“Lieutenant, there’s a Mr. Krios here to see you. He says he knows you,” she said nervously. Alisha was a nice girl; she was young, and shy about working with people she thought were impressive. She had dark brown skin, and short, black, curly hair. Alisha just wanted to make some extra money, and not get harassed, but some of Shepard’s co-workers were either too stupid or self-absorbed to see she wasn’t interested. Shepard smiled at her gently.

“Okay. Thank you for letting me know. Can you tell him I still have two hours on my shift?” 

“He says it’s really important that he talks to you right now, though.” Alisha said, twisting her hands in her shirt. 

Shepard sighed. “Alright. Take me to him.” 

They walked back to the front of the station, where Thane was waiting, hands behind his back, spine rod straight. 

“What’s so important that you couldn’t wait for my shift to end?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s about Kolyat” He said.

“Come with me.” She said, motioning him to follow. They went downstairs, past the morgue, to a small, rarely used interrogation room. She turned towards him. “What’s going on? I thought he was on Kahje.” 

“He was. I had… prepared a package, in the event of my passing. He somehow received this package early, and now he knows what I do, where I’ve been. Why his mother was killed.” 

“Okay, but you haven’t seen him since he was a kid. Maybe he’s just conflicted, needs time away to adjust.” She suggested. She hoped it was that simple.

“He is coming to Earth, Shepard. He has accepted a job from a small time gangster.” 

“Who would hire a first time assassin?” 

“Perhaps someone saw we share a name, and assumed we share skills.” 

“Why do you need me there?” 

“The last time I saw him…” He said, quietly. He trailed off there, and though she didn’t consider herself adept at reading his facial expressions, she could tell he was reliving something. She waited, not speaking, until he continued, “We were at Irikah’s funeral. The priests sang the hymns, lowered her body into the sea. It was raining. It always rained on Kahje. He begged me not to let them take her.” He turned his face towards her. “I do not need your help. I want it.” 

She nodded, and said, “Do you think he might be doing this as a way to get closer to you?” 

“That is what I am afraid of.” 

“Okay. I’ll help. When do we leave?” She’d already done this with everybody else; they’d all asked her for a favor, something they couldn’t have done alone. She supposed it was only fair that Thane have a turn.

“Right now.” He said, going to the door. She hurried to follow. 

They ended up in Captain Bailey’s jurisdiction, and Shepard suggested they should go and see if he knew anything. They went, Shepard arriving first. She’d already been here to ask about Fade, so the man at the front desk already knew her, and waved her on through. He seemed suspicious of Thane, but Shepard explained that he was with her. They walked to Bailey’s office, and Shepard tapped on the door lightly.

“Come in.” Bailey said, muffled. Shepard opened the door and stepped inside, Thane close behind her.

“Hello, Lieutenant. I suppose this is another one of your associates?” He asked, gesturing to the chairs. Shepard sat, but Thane stood standing. 

“Yes. I’m looking for his son. He should’ve been in the area not too long ago.” 

“Well, lucky for you, there aren’t many Drell in Citadel, and I know that one was talking to Mouse a few days ago.”

“Mouse?” She asked, standing up.

“Used to be a street rat. Still is, but he isn’t young and cute anymore. You can find him near the Dark Star Lounge, probably selling some illegal thing or another.”

“Thanks for the help.” She said.

“No problem. You need anything else, you know where to find me.”

They left the station, and started towards Dark Star. It wasn’t far enough to bother finding a station, and they spent most of the walk in silence, until Thane said,

“You didn’t tell him my son intends to murder.” 

She shook her head. “He’d be obliged to stop him, and I’d rather the law stay out of this, if at all possible.” 

“Are you not the law?” He pointed out.

“I’m off the clock.” She replied, and he didn’t say that they both knew she was still supposed to be on shift. 

They arrived at the Lounge. It had served alcohol at one point, and still did, if one asked the right questions, said the right things. No raid could ever prove it, of course; to the official eye, it was perfectly upstanding. They saw a young man outside who looked like he hadn’t showered or slept with a roof over his head in a long time. 

“Hey! You Mouse?” She asked.

“I haven’t done nothin’, I swear!” He cried, putting his hands up.

“Calm down. I’m not here officially, but if you don’t tell me what I want to know, I can be.” She said, crossing her arms.

“Krios? What’re you doin’ with a cop?” He asked, bug eyed.

“Soothe yourself. As my associate said, we only need to ask you a few questions.” 

His eyes bounced from Shepard to Thane several times a second, as if he couldn’t figure out which he should be more afraid of.

“You know this guy?” Shepard asked.

“Yes. I met him when I first lived in Citadel. I didn’t mention it as I couldn’t be sure it was the same Mouse.” 

She nodded, and turned to Mouse. “We hear you’ve been talking with his son. Gave him a job. We just want to know who it’s for, and then we’ll leave.” She said.

“I don’t know. You were always nice to us, Krios, but these ain’t nice guys.” 

She stepped forward slightly, her hands out, placating. “I know these sorts of people are dangerous, and I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t need to know, and Thane here wouldn’t put your life in danger for no reason.” 

“Alright.” He said, looking down. “The job is for Elias Kelham, but you didn’t hear that from me.” 

“Thank you, Mouse.” She said, kindly, and went back towards the precinct, and Shepard asked, “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about this Elias, would you?” 

“Unfortunately, no. He wasn’t around ten years ago, when I was still working around here.” 

“Guess that would’ve been too easy.” She said.

The man at the front desk didn’t try to stop Thane this time, though he still clearly didn’t enjoy allowing him through. They walked back up to the office, where Bailey let them in.

“We’re looking for a man named Elia Kelham. You know him?” She asked, sitting down.

“I do. Real piece of work. Why do you need him?” 

“To find my associate’s son, obviously.” She said. 

He scoffed. “Obviously, my ass. Listen, that’s going to be… complicated. He and I have… an understanding. I don’t bring him in, he buys extra tickets to the policeman’s ball.”

“So he’s bribing you.” She said, flatly.

“Listen, not all of us are young, childless officers who can live off nothing but coffee and illegal hooch.”

“It doesn’t have to be official. None of your people listen, we’re the only ones he sees. Your name won’t even be mentioned.” 

He sighed. “Fine, I’ll have my men bring him in. But you better tell me what’s going on eventually. And I will be listening.”

“Fair enough.” 

Bailey took them to an interrogation room an hour later. 

“He’s in here. Don’t mess it up, and don’t hurt him, or I’ll have hell to pay.” 

He walked to another room, probably to the other side of the mirror, and Thane faced Shepard. 

“How would you like to play this?” 

“I’ll be bad cop. You can be good cop.” 

“Alright, I’ll try to sympathize.” He hesitated in front of the door. “Don’t scare him too much, Shepard.” 

They entered, and Elias immediately started saying how Bailey was in a lot of trouble, and how his lawyer would hear about this. Shepard rolled her eyes, and walked right in front of him.

“I’m part of a special task force. I answer only to the council, and I can do whatever the fuck I want to you. Start talking.” 

The man looked bug eyed at her. “What do you wanna know?”

“You hired a Drell to kill somebody. Tell me who.” 

“A turian called Joram Talid.” 

“Thanks for your time,” She said, and left the room, Thane close behind her. 

“That may go down as the fastest interrogation ever.” He said. He nearly sounded amused.

Bailey looked disappointed. “So that’s why you wouldn’t say what was going on. You realize I have to make this official now, right?” 

Shepard smiled. “Not if we get to him first.” 

He sighed. “Talid is an up and coming politician, running on an anti-human platform. He’ll be canvassing near his apartments, which might be where your boy is going.” 

“He could still get killed while out and about” Shepard said. 

“Fair enough. I’ll have a car send you to his location.”

Thane and Shepard walked out onto the strip. 

“What do you need me to do?” She asked. She had tailed people before, but this was Thane’s show to run.

“I need you above him, on the balconies and service walkways.” He said.

“Where will you be?” She asked, already going.

“In the darkest corner, with the best view.”

She worked her way to a stairwell, and turned around, for a moment. She saw Thane, praying, in the middle of the crowd. She smiled softly. A passerby obscured him, only for a moment, and when they passed, he was gone. She went up the stairs. 

Locating Talid was easy, after that. She didn’t have any way to communicate with Thane, so she had to stay on top of Talid and hope for the best. He talked with some voters, pandering and probably saying political nonsense. He waved at them, and him and his Krogan bodyguard were moving. She followed them closely, until they came up to a store, where the bodyguard went inside. It looked like he was harassing the clerk, while Talid waited outside. 

“Great,” she muttered, “another corrupt politician, and this one can’t even be corrupt by himself.”

“Yes, it appears he’s attempting to avoid criminal charges by having the Krogan do the dirty work.” Thane said, from behind her.

“Holy fucking-” she spun around, but couldn’t see him. “-where the hell are you?” She hissed.

“Out of sight. I’m going up ahead. You keep following them.” He said.

“Yeah, sure, whatever you say, Invisible Man.” 

She waited for the Krogan to exit the store, at which point he and Talid started walking again. She kept pace, even when they jogged for a brief period, and the two met up with two other Krogan bodyguards. She couldn’t quite tell, but it seemed something had spooked him. Likely not Thane, since he had been right next to her and she hadn’t seen him, but possibly Kolyat or herself. They exited the area, and she went through the nearest door, which turned out the be some sort of stockroom. She made something up about being a health inspector and went on her way.

She followed Talid to his apartment from above, and she spotted Kolyat running towards him. 

“Kolyat!” She cried. He spun around, and fired a wild shot at Talid. It hit a bodyguard, and Talid started running. She jumped down the side, following after Talid and Kolyat.

She ran up to Talid’s apartment two steps at a time, and kicked in the door swiftly. Talid was kneeling, Kolyat pressing the pistol to his head. He edged into the room, but Kolyat pressed the gun harder, and said, “Not another step!” She stopped, raising her hands slowly.

“Don’t worry, Kolyat. I’m a friend.” 

“How do you know who I am?” He asked. He sounded angry, and nervous, and that was not a good combination.

“I’m Lieutenant Commander Shepard. I run a special task force. An associate told me that you were looking to kill a man. I’m here to keep you from doing that.” 

“Are you going to arrest me?” 

“Not if you don’t kill this man. I’m not interested in sending kids to jail, Kolyat.” 

“I’m not a kid!” 

“If you aren’t, and you kill this man, you’ll probably end up getting the death penalty. You know that, right?” 

“Maybe I want to go to jail!” He said.

“You don’t. Trust me, you really, really don’t.” 

“You don’t know anything about me!”

“I know everything about you. I know your mother was murdered. I know your father left you with an Aunt, so he could kill her killers and then ran off to Earth. I know your aunt always treated you like you were going to become a murderer, too.” She stepped closer. “I know that you always felt abandoned by both your parents, but you pushed all of it onto your father, because he was the only one left alive. I know that you’ve never killed anyone before, and that you aren’t prepared for what happens if you do.” 

“What, I’ll go to jail?” He asked sardonically.

“No, I mean the emotional cost. You’re not the same, after. Nobody ever is. People like your father and I, we can kill people without it destroying us entirely, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t change us. And it doesn’t mean it won’t change you.”

The hand with the gun was shaking. She stepped closer, she heard the door open behind her. 

“Father?” Kolyat asked, and it was like he’d hardened again, like all it took to bring back his resolve was to see that man that’d ruined his life.

“Kolyat,” He said, despondent, and Shepard put her arm out to stop him from moving.

“Kolyat,” she said softly, “Look at me. Don’t look at your dad, look at me. Why are you doing this?” 

“Why do you think?”

“I think it’s because you’re very angry, and angry people do stupid things.” 

“Is he your ‘associate’? Is he working for you?”

“Yes, he is.” 

“That man killed my mother! He abandoned me!” He was crying. Tears ran down his teal, scaled face. “He ruined everything.” 

“Kolyat, you’re young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t let him keep ruining things. DOn’t let him ruin you.” She said, stepping forward for the final time. She put her hand on his gun, and took it gently out of his hand. She nodded to Talid to get out of there, and put her arm around him and led him out of the room, gesturing for Thane to follow. They ran into Bailey’s men, but she showed them her badge and said only that they were having tearful reunion. Bailey apparently hadn’t given them any kind of description, because they accepted this and kept on moving. 

They were in an empty apartment in the same building. Shepard wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible, but she knew that Thane and Kolyat had some things to discuss. 

“You’re angry because I wasn’t there when your mother died.” 

“You weren’t there when she was alive, why should you be there when she died?” His eyes were narrowed, his voice hard and pointed, his arms crossed.

Thane looked down, hunched his shoulders. He wasn’t a tall man, but the way he carried himself always made him seem that way. He appeared small, then. “Your mother… they killed her to get to me. It was my fault. After her body was given to the deep, I went to find them. The trigger men. The ringleaders. I hurt them. Eventually killed them. When I went back to you, you were… older. I should have stayed with you. Instead, I went to Earth. I’m sorry for that.”

“I guess it’s too bad for me you waited so long, huh.” Kolyat said, and he sounded angry, but his brows weren’t furrowed anymore.

“Kolyat. I’ve taken many bad things out of the world. You’re the only good thing I ever added to it.” 

Kolyat breathed deeply, and said, “We should probably get out of here.” 

Thane nodded, and Shepard led the way.

Much later, Shepard had left them at her apartment. She had gone out to get groceries to make them all dinner, but she knew that Thane and Kolyat needed time to talk alone, which meant she needed an excuse to get out. Her two room didn’t exactly afford a lot of privacy. They hadn’t gone to Thane’s, mostly because he wouldn’t say exactly where his apartment was. She figured he was still trying to pretend he wasn’t living gloriously off blood money while she was scraping the barrel to make food for him and his son. 

So there she was, in the aisle, trying to decide if it would be better to use pasta or rice. She could afford more rice, but pasta was fancier. But she was already paying up for chicken, she might not have enough money for anything else if she got pasta. She weighed her options for several minutes before finally picking out rice. 

She grabbed some carrots and potatoes as well, and figured she could make some shitty broth and hope that was good enough for them. She had no idea what sort of things Drell ate. She bought what she hoped was normal black tea. She remembered vaguely that Thane liked tea, and though she had never touched the stuff, she’d heard somewhere that black teas were the least inoffensive to coffee drinkers. She felt herself almost in pain when she paid for it, and she knew she might have to pick between heat and electricity in the coming month. But it would be worth it. It had to be.

When she entered the apartment, Thane and Kolyat were sitting on her couch. Kolyat was leaning as far from his father as he could get, and Thane tried to look dignified, which was a hard thing to do on a couch as old as his son. 

“I bought groceries.” She said, lifting the bags. “You two wouldn’t happen to want to help, would you?”

In the end, Kolyat did most of the work. She and Thane could chop and measure with the best of them, but Shepard didn’t usually have enough money to buy raw meat, not that she did that time, and Thane admitted he had never been a very skilled chef. Kolyat had learned a few things from his aunt, and though the food ended up being very plain, it was probably as good as it could have been, under the circumstances. They ate, shepard on her mattress, Kolyat on the couch, and Thane in the floor in between.

“So who,” Kolyat said, in between mouthfuls, “exactly are you?” 

“You weren’t entirely wrong when you asked if Thane’s working for me. He’s helping me take down the mafia.” 

“You’re kidding.” 

“Nope. He knows people I don’t, can get info I can’t.” 

“Are you paying him?” 

“Not a dime.” 

“What’s a dime?” 

“A very small unit of currency.”

“Okay, so why did you help him?” 

“What do you mean?”

“”Back there, you called him your associate. You didn’t try to defend him. So you clearly aren’t friends.” Kolyat said, getting up to put his bowl in the sink.

“Can you fill it with water?” He did. “Thanks. And how do you know I’m not just very professional?” 

“No offense, but you don’t seem the type.” He said, sitting back down, the couch groaning under him.

She grinned. “Fair enough. I helped because I didn’t want you to kill someone because you had a shitty dad. I’m a cop, and you wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve heard that exact story.” 

Kolyat nodded. “I’m going to be living with my Father, until I can get back to Kahje. Do you have a telephone.” 

“You’ve already seen my whole place, I’m pretty sure you can answer that question yourself.” 

“So what if I want to get in contact with you?”

“I’m usually either here, at the station, or at the Normandy. If you really need to speak to me immediately, your dad’ll probably know where I am. If you just wanna hang, go wait at one of those places till I show up. I will eventually.” 

“We should go. I don’t want to inconvenience you anymore.” 

“Oh no, please, inconvenience me all you like. I’d prefer that to having to arrest you. Speaking of which, I need to go talk to Bailey tomorrow about you. Hopefully he won’t come for you, but you did shot a guy, so we’ll see.”

“Thank you, Shepard.”

“Yeah, sure.” She said absently, spooning the last of her soup.

She walked up to Bailey’s office for what she hoped would be the last time.

“Come on in, Shepard.” 

She entered, and stood in front of his desk at parade rest. 

“Please, sit.”

She nodded, and sat down. “About yesterday…”

“Let me guess, you want me to let go of the case.” He said, strangely cheerful.

“Yes.” 

He looked at a picture on his desk. “I got a kid too, you know. I understand why he was motivated. But what about you? You didn’t even know what he looked like. And it’s an awful lot of trouble to go to for someone you only refer to as an associate.”

“It was the right thing to do, Bailey.”

He sighed. “Us guys in power sometimes forget about that. The sometimes, just sometimes, people do things because it’s right.” He stared at her, right in the eyes. “You’re good people, Shepard. Just… tell me they’re worth it, and I’ll drop the whole thing.” 

She furrows her brow. She thinks about Thane, smoking outside the Normandy in the middle of the night. She thinks about Kolyat, who was so, so angry. She thinks about Irikah, who she will never meet, who deserved so much better than a man who was always away on business. She thinks of Thane’s eloquence, and Kolyat’s future, and Irikah’s past. She looks up at him, and smiles. “Yeah,” she says, “Yeah. They’re wort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell this has been the most fun chapter for me to write so far  
> no idea when I'll update next. It's probably another short chapter ahead, so only a few days, since i don't edit these at all, but it could also be a while if i dont finish before monday. Also, I am not longer tagging as they appear. Only important characters with multiple appearances are up there, and I super super promise that Jedore is important. Pinky swear!


	7. like tomorrow doesn't exist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me at [mass-defect](https://mass-defect.tumblr.com/)

“You’ve done a very good job, Lieutenant. The parts couldn’t have been easy to get. I am curious as to how you managed to stumble across a Geth. I’m also curious as to why you decided to turn it back on instead of bringing it to us.” said The Illusive Man, holding his eternally lit cigarette the way one might hold a lollipop.

“The Geth was there because of heretics, they said. Supposedly a sect of Geth has decided to follow the mysterious Reapers. And because they helped us. I don’t understand why, but I’ll take whatever I can get.” Shepard replied blithely.

“Fair enough. I am glad that we know what happened to those people now. How long do you think it’ll take to set up the Digger?” 

“I’m not sure. EDI said she could help, but it could take anywhere from a day to a week.” She shrugged, not particularly concerned. It would get done when it got done. “In the meantime, I’m going to go back to looking into the Reapers. If they’ve really got Geth working for them, then they’re more dangerous than I thought.” She gave him a final nod, and stepped off the platform, the image of the Illusive Man fading from view. Shepard left the room, headed out the building, passing Jacob and Lawson on her way out. She waved at Jacob, and walked past Lawson without the Operative noticing. She didn’t want to talk to the woman; the conversations were always uncomfortable and slightly confrontational, as if Lawson was trying to prove something. 

Out of the building, she walked slowly towards the station, suddenly hit by a wave of exhaustion. She dragged herself down the steps, into a crowded train. She stared off into the middle distance, and didn’t even notice when the train jerked and five different people bumped into her. She got off at the same stop she always did, and walked towards her apartment. She nearly didn’t notice her name being called.  She slowly turned around, to face a woman in a long, blue dress, with short black hair and blue eyes. She had several moles, and looked severe. She also carried a note-pad, and had a determined look about her. 

“Lieutenant Shepard! Khalisah al-Jilani with Westerlund News! I have a few questions for you!”

Fuck. A reporter. Shepard turned around and put on her very best totally-not-thinking-about-murdering-you smile. 

“Tell me about your illegal operations.” The woman said, her pen poised over her pad.

“I’m sorry, what?” 

“I’ve heard that you have civilians, and even criminals helping you. This can’t possibly be legal.” 

“They’re just my CIs. ‘Helping’ is putting it a bit strong.”

“Should I list off some things about your so-called CIs? Supposedly, one of them has been convicted multiple times for things including piracy, vandalism, and joining a cult. Another one is an assassin feared galaxy wide, another is the co-creator of the Blue Suns, and another is a thief who stole the Mona Lisa. You operate in an illegal establishment, you use extra-legal forces, and I’ve heard you’ve even supported your CIs in their criminal activities, which include bootlegging. CIs or no, these people are clearly dangerous criminals. How do we know you’re not just taking out other gangs so that you and your friends can be on top?”

“Well, I mean, all of this was allowed, by my superiors, who are all cops, so.” Shepard’s smile had slipped, and her eyes glinted dangerously. 

“Ah, and how do we know you aren’t just giving your superiors a bigger cut than the other gangs are? I’ve heard corruption is rampant in the stations, these days.” al-Jilani grinned smugly over her pad, and in the moment Shepard had never hated a human being more.

“You’re just going to turn around anything I say, aren’t you?” 

“Is that your answer to these serious accusations? Are you implying that you’ve been misconstrued? Because if so, I would personally-”

Shepard punched her. The other woman slumped instantly, falling backwards onto the hard cement. She stepped carefully over her prone body, and walked into her building.

* * *

 

“Can you even _ comprehend _ how  _ monumentally stupid  _ that was!” Anderson shouted. He was standing, his fists clenched at his sides. His face had turned a very interesting shade of red. 

“Sir, I-”

“ _ Clearly  _ you can’t, if you think talking will fix this! Now I’ve got reporters up my ass about a god damn  _ illegal operation _ , asking me if I’m on the take! The fucking  _ Council _ is wondering the same god damn thing!” He looked as though he might hit something. His eyes were all screwed up, and somehow, impossibly, he had gone even redder. He was cursing, and Anderson never, ever cursed. She was so fucked.

“Anderson, please, just let me-”

“What? Knock out some more reporters? Maybe go hold one of your  _ meetings  _ in a  _ speakeasy _ , which would have been nice to know beforehand, by the way!” 

She winced. “Maybe I can talk to them, give them some answers. Get them to back off.”

“You will do  _ none _ of those things!”

“But I can try!”

“Don’t you get it? They’re asking me for your badge, Shepard! The only way, and I mean the  _ only  _ way, that we can fix this is if you fucking lay low and don’t do any stupid shit for one goddamn week! But at this point, I’m not even sure you can handle that!”

She looked down. Her badge? She’d stirred up a lot of shit, going after Saren, but they’d never gone for her job. This was beyond bad. “I think I can do that, sir.” She said quietly.

“Oh, you  _ think _ . For fucks sake, Shepard, if you don’t know for sure, you may as well hand in your two weeks now.”

“What, exactly, do you mean by stupid shit?”

“One, you cannot go to any bar, for any reason. Two, you cannot interact with anyone on your team, and that’s including Vakarian. Three, you cannot do any of your usual bullshit missions. You’re not technically on probation, but you may as well be, so don’t show up for work, don’t do work, and if you can avoid it, don’t do anything at all.”

“Anything else?” 

“Just get the hell out of the station, before you decide the guys in lockup would make a good edition to your fucking team.”

“Can do.” She said, and she left like a bat out of hell. Recently, it seemed all of her interactions with Anderson resulted in him yelling and her trying to defend herself. She shook her head; maybe she could treat this like a vacation. No responsibilities for a whole week sounded excellent, although it was also no pay for a whole week. She’d have to live off rice and beans for a while, which wasn’t the worst off she’d ever been. She could relax, for the first time in practically a year. She could listen to some music, maybe read a few novels. It didn’t seem so bad.

* * *

 

She was wrong. It was very, very bad. She’d slept for almost the entirety of the first two days, which had been nice. But she’d gotten bored of radio jazz very quickly, as she felt that was a music for a venue, with dancing and laughter. She’d tried that James Joyce book, but it had been too long and depressing, and she could barely make it through the fifth part, so she’d given up and set it down. She could probably pawn it off on Liara; she was the type to enjoy that sort of thing. Or maybe Thane; he’d read Hobbes, and she personally couldn’t imagine anything worse, except maybe trying to make it through that Victor Hugo book with the revolutionaries. She managed to spend that day just lazing around, but she could only do that for so long. She was so bored, and she spent another day lamenting her boredom. The next day she went on a cleaning spree, dusting, cleaning out her ice box, scrubbing down her tub, toilet, and sink. She did her laundry, changed her sheets, and moved around the sofa so that it was facing the window a little bit. But she still had another two days to waste, at least, and she couldn’t think of anything else to do. She’d go see a movie if she had the money, but that was like saying she’d go to the moon if she had a rocket. Perhaps she could go outside, just walk around for a bit. 

Of course, she’d ended up practically on the other side of the ward, and it was starting to get dark out. It wasn’t exactly that she was afraid; she was tough, even without a gun or backup, and she could take on a junkie trying to make enough to get some Red Sand. It was more that all the important things seemed to happen at night, and she didn’t particularly want anything important to happen.

But she could walk back as easily as she’d walked there. She hadn’t actually left her street; she’d only walked north for a very, very long time. She started on her way, enjoying the breeze, when she heard a familiar voice shouting something about a cover-up. She had only a second to wonder what it was about, before she saw Conrad Verner getting tossed out of Eternity, She’d convinced him that becoming an officer wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, and he’d gone home to his wife. She’d thought that had been the end of that, but he was brushing himself off in front of her, wearing a… knock off police uniform, for some reason. 

“Conrad? Why wear you in that bar?” 

“Ah!” He screamed, and flailed around, and nearly tripped. She gazed at him with concern. “Oh, it’s you. Gonna wave a gun in my face again?”

“Sorry, what?”

“That was a pretty dick move, but I decided that if people like you were allowed to become officers, then clearly the job wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. So I got this uniform, and now I’m dispensing justice, outside the law. And sometimes I poke around crates, y’know, for cash.” 

“Okay, that’s really dumb, but can we go back to ‘waving a gun in your face’ thing, ‘cause I’m pretty sure that’s not what happened. And seriously, what the hell were you doing in a speakeasy?” 

“I’ve been told by an undercover cop that the bar is actually a cover up for Red Sand dealers. So I’m trying to get them the deed, so that we can put them away.” He said, leaning in and pitching his voice down.

“Sorry, who told you this?” 

“She’s pretending to be a novelty gifts seller, right across the street.” 

“Right. Stay here, I’m gonna go… confirm something, real quick.” 

She went inside the bar, She figured if she got in and out fast, she could find out what was really going on without anybody realizing she was there. She walked up to the bartender, a severe looking Asari woman, and asked her what the deal was. 

“That Conrad guy starting shouting about us peddling drugs. I thought he was one of those protestor types, the ones who come into these places to yell at people about imbibing in sin. So I threw him out.” 

“The person across the street, who sells novelty items, they wouldn’t have any reason to want the deed to this place, would they?” 

“That bitch? She hates running a shitty store, she thinks she’d do better as a bar owner, but she can’t figure out how to set one up on her own. She’s been trying to take this place for months now. I swear, if she comes in here one more time, I’m gonna call in the cavalry.”

Shepard nodded, and left. She quickly went to the shop, which was miraculously still open. She went up to the counter, and where a young Asari was working. She flashed her badge. The woman didn’t have to know that she wasn’t acting as law enforcement. 

“I’ve been told you’re working undercover by a friend of mine. Conrad. Heard of him?” 

The woman’s eyes widened, and she seemed delighted, though she was obviously trying to hide it. “Oh, you’re Conrad’s friend. Yes, I’m definitely undercover, and that place is very, very bad.” She said, slowly and with great inflection. She was, perhaps, the worst liar Shepard had ever seen, and she worked with Tali. “I just need the deed, and I can shut down the whole operation.” 

Shepard nodded. “I had a talk with the bartender. She’s ready to give up the deed, you should go now.” 

“Seriously!” The woman cried. “Here, have a discount for this place, thanks for the help!” She ran off, and didn’t see Shepard smirk.

She walked back towards Verner slowly. She wanted to get inside at the right moment, after all. “Hey, Conrad, let’s go inside.” She said, gesturing for him to follow. He did, though he was confused. They came in just in time to see the clerk get dragged away by big, buff men. Shepard almost felt bad for her. 

“Whoa, that’s the cop! What just happened? Did I fuck it up, Shepard.”

“No, Conrad.” She said, not looking directly at him. “She was a… terrorist, she was going to use this place to… blow up the park fountain. She needed it as a base of operations. You did a very good job. Without you, I never would have figured out this plan. You did all the work. I barely did anything at all, and that’s how you should definitely, absolutely tell this story. In fact, since I did so little, just don’t mention me at all.” 

“Wow! Thanks, Shepard! This totally makes up for the gun thing!” He looked like an excited puppy.

“Okay, seriously, what are you talking about. I didn’t do that.” 

“Bye! I’ll see you again, someday, hopefully!” 

“Bye, Conrad.” She waved, as he practically skipped off. She faced the bartender, who was doing a very good job of looking disinterested in the conversation, cleaning a glass. “So, what are my chances of him not telling everyone about this?” Shepard asked.

“Oh, you’re fucked, kid.” She replied. 

“Damn it.”

* * *

 

The next day, she went into the station. Perhaps it was too much to hope, but it had been a week. She might just be home free. She went into Anderson’s office, and he had the Westerlund News in front of him. He seemed so calm, and smiled as she sat down. 

“Morning, Anderson. How’s the paper?” She asked, nearly cheerful.

“There you are, Shepard. I was going to have someone get you from your apartment, but here you are. What absolute luck.” He smiled, benevolently.

“Well, it has been a full week, so I came back to work.” 

“Indeed you have. You know, I’m nearly moved to congratulate you. There’s just one, small hiccup.”

“What’s that, boss?” 

“Six days.” He said, still calm.

“Sorry?” 

“You couldn’t go six days without doing something, could you.” He puts the paper down, facing her, so she could see the headline:  **Dirty Cop Helps Speakeasy Dispose Of Innocents** .

“Fuck.” She said.

“Fuck, indeed.”

“You’re not… going to ask me what I have to say for myself? Or yell, or… anything?” She asked, confused.

“No, Lieutenant. What would be the point? After all, you are beyond fucked. There is nothing we can do to salvage this situation.” He said, taking out a cigar and lighting it. 

“Sir, those are your stress cigars.” She pointed out.

“I’m aware, Shepard. You may as well hand in your badge now. The Council can’t ignore this, and frankly, neither can I. Jesus, Shepard, seven days was all I asked. How is that so hard?” He didn’t even sound angry, just curious. 

“He was being taken advantage of, and I had to help.” She said.

He puffed on the cigar. “Yes, I suppose that tracks. Did you consider leaving well enough alone?” 

“Why on Earth would I do something like that?” She asked.

He laughed. “Figures. Alright, just leave your badge and gun and take a hike. Look at it this way; now, you can do whatever you want. No more red tape.” 

She put her things on the desk, and looked him in the eye. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry. And hey, six is pretty close, right?”

“Close only counts in horseshoes and handgrenades, Shepard. You’ll have to disband your team. I’m sure we can find somebody to pick up where you left off.” He nodded to his door, and she left the room. 

She went straight to the Normandy. If she had to disband her team, she wanted on last good party out of it. Nearly everyone was already there, as ‘Sunday fun days’, as Tali had unfortunately called them and everyone instantly made fun of, had become a thing, and she sent out messengers to gather those who weren’t. During the wait, EDI came up to her. 

“We’ve set up the Digger, and it’s ready for your use.”

“Thanks, EDI” She said, tiredly. She felt bad; EDI’d worked so hard on it, and Shepard had ruined it with her stupidity. EDI didn’t have to know that right at that moment, though. She wanted this to be fun, not mournful.

Once Jacob walked in, dragging Lawson, who had never come to one of these before, Shepard announced that the Digger was ready to go, and they were going to spend the night celebrating. They cracked open the good barrels; it was still swill, obviously, but slightly less horrible than usual swill. For the first three hours, they mostly mingled; nobody at the party was enough of a lightweight to get much more than tipsy. Somewhere around sundown, Garrus had found a radio, and next thing she knew, she was swept away by Kasumi, who took great joy in forcing her to do the Charleston. She stumbled every few seconds, while Kasumi did it nearly perfectly. Kaiden laughed at her, so she pulled him in too, but of course the bastard was good at it. Within moments, everybody was dancing, though not everyone was doing the same dance. She saw EDI and Jacob doing the foxtrot, and she was pretty sure Wrex was tangoing with a broom. She slammed down the rest of her drink, and found herself dancing, too. For the first time in a long time, she didn’t worry about whether or not she was doing well, staring at her feet and hobbling around. She swirled and tapped and hopped and when she got tired, she sat down and drank some more. But she quickly got up again and kept going, and when Garrus stepped on Tali’s feet, she only laughed a little. She ended up with Lawson, who still seemed like she didn’t want to be there, so Shepard enthusiastically offered her the hard stuff and twirled her around. She saw Grunt and Mordin dancing happily, and pointing at them, she said, “If a Krogan and Salarian can find it in themselves to dance together, then I think you can figure out how to have a good time.” 

Miranda looked surprised, but then she squared her shoulders and all at once, she let loose. She danced more embarrassingly than Shepard had, and she heard Jack shout, “Fuck yeah, Lawson!” Before she could continue encouraging her, she got dragged away by Samara, and was lost until she managed to make her way to the bar an hour later. She sat heavily on the chair and took a few deep breaths, drinking whatever liquor was in front of her greedily. She felt sweaty and sore and happy. She sat for a while with Joker, in silence, just soaking up the lively atmosphere. She eventually went back into the fray, and almost immediately got caught by Thane, who was of course a very good dancer, and he swept her around in a sort of half-waltz for a few bars, before releasing her to Jack. And so it went, for hours and hours on end, and around sunrise, Shepard picked her way through the people who were drunk enough that they decided the floor was just fine to the least crowded booth. She plopped down and almost immediately passed out.

* * *

 

She woke up feeling hot, with the smell of smoke in her nose, and screaming in her ear. She felt panicked, and breathed deeply, eyes closed, until the last dregs of sleep faded. Except the smell wasn’t going away, and the screaming wasn’t, either. She opened her eyes, and saw nothing but flame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is... super late  
> haha oops


	8. grab the broom of anger and drive off the beast of fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me at [mass-defect](https://mass-defect.tumblr.com/)

The flames raced across the bar, exploding out from the storage room. Irrepressible heat curled into her skin, and she could hardly breathe for the thick smoke. There seemed to be walls of fire, growing larger by the second. She stood up on shaky legs, fear and the dregs of sleep weakening her knees. Her head pounded, and the light of the fire was blinding. Shepard glanced around, and she saw saw several of her friends helping one another out. Mordin was the only one who wasn’t up, so she carefully made her way towards him. A large chunk of ceiling caved in far too close to her, the crash making her jump. She finally reached Mordin, and she shook him roughly. 

“Get up! We gotta go!” She shouted. 

He stirred, eyes blinking open, before they focused on her. His mouth moved, but she couldn’t hear him, words lost in the roar of the fire. She bodily yanked him up and started dragging him towards the exit. Her breaths were too quick, and was feeling dizzy. She kept putting one foot in front of the other, ignoring her headache and the sweat and the unbearable heat. 

They made it to the door, slowly, stumbling often. The door was already open, and Shepard shoved Mordin out and followed as quickly as she could. The air was much cooler, even though she was still right next to a burning building, and she grabbed Mordin once more and took him to the other end of the street, where she saw the others waiting. She sat down against the side of a run down building as soon as they got got there, breathing heavily. She tried clear her throat, but it turned into long series of coughs that shook her whole body. The group watched as the Normandy burned, fire stretching out into the night sky. 

“Fuck,” Jack said. 

“Who did this?” Joker asked, his voice soft. 

“Well, I know that Krios smokes.” Jacob said.

“I don’t appreciate what you’re implying, Mr. Taylor.” 

“I’m just saying.” 

“Maybe the Cheerleader did it.” Jack said harshly.

“Oh, fuck you.” Miranda said. “Besides, I agree with Jacob. We have many smokers in the group, but Thane is the only one who smoked last night. Perhaps he simply forgot to put out a cigarette.” 

“I actually saw Kaiden playing with a box of matches.” Liara offered.

“Oh, really? How do we know you aren’t taking after your mother?” Kaiden bit out.

Voices raised, and suddenly everyone was accusing one another. She saw, out of the corner of her eye, Wrex raising a hand to Mordin, and Jack lighting up blue. 

“Enough!” Shepard shouted. They all went quiet, all at once. “Enough. This isn’t helpful. Does anybody have any real information, and not just accusations?” 

“Shepard.” EDI said, “I believe I know something.” 

“Hit me.” 

“It was the Collectors.” 

She swore. “Are you sure? What makes you think that?” 

“You told us that they burn down any town that they hit. We are the only ones working against them. They take out our base, with us inside it.”

“So? We’re not dead. We can still go after them.” Tali pointed out.

“But we can’t.” Shepard said, quietly.

“What do you mean, we can’t?” asked Miranda.

“I mean that we can’t.” She sighed. “I was going to tell you tomorrow. I got fired. The task force has been officially disbanded. Any action we take from here on in is illegal. Technically, we shouldn’t even be in the same area.” 

She closed her eyes to her friends’ protests. She huffed out a laugh. “It’s not like we were the only ones who could do this. There are plenty of other cops, and I reported in all of the information I had. We just have to let somebody else take care of it.” 

Everyone went quiet, and she looked back at the still-burning Normandy. Most of the roof was gone, by then. It was always fire, it seemed. 

“Fuck that.” Miranda said quietly. “Fuck that! We’ve worked too damn hard to just give up!”

“Let it go, Cheerleader.” Jack grunted.

“No! I’m not going to let it go, and you shouldn’t either! Who cares if it’s illegal? Most of us are criminals anyway. And let somebody else take care of it? Fuck no! We deserve to see this through, after everything we’ve done to get here! EDI,” She said, whipping her head towards the other woman, “do we still have the Digger?” 

“Yes, we do.” 

“Then let’s get it and go take these fuckers out! We can’t just sit around and do nothing! We’re better than that.” She said harshly.

“You keep saying we, but you haven’t done shit.” Jack argued.

“You’re right, I haven’t. But you have! Shepard, how much work have you put into this? Are you really just going to let this go? I mean, don’t you want to go after the Collectors?” 

“It doesn’t matter what I want.”

“But it does, because if you go, I’ll go with you. And I don’t think I’d be the only one.” 

Wrex got up and stood by Miranda. “Krogan don’t give up so easily.” Grunt nodded, and he stood up too. 

“These assholes burned my bar. The least we can do is fuck them up.” Joker said. 

“See, Shepard? We can do this.” Miranda said.

Shepard looked at her friends, and they were her friends. They looked determined. She sighed, and slowly got to her feet. 

“Alright.” She said. “We’ll give it a shot.” 

A chorus of cheers raised up, and she nearly smiled. 

“One question, though. How are we going to get there?” She asked.

* * *

 

Joker pulled up to Omega 4. He hadn’t even fully stopped the car before the five people in it were making desperate moves to get out. Shepard glanced at the other two cars, which were letting out a swarm of people. She nodded to EDI to start up the Digger, and stood in front of her friends. 

“Here we are, people. We’ve come a long way to get here, but it’s not over yet. We’re not just here because these guys are total assholes. We’re here because they’re dangerous, and they need to be stopped. Remember, this isn’t about revenge. Make yourselves proud, people.” She said. Then they were moving to the entrance. EDI had already made good work on breaching the surface, and once they got in they wouldn’t need the Digger anymore. 

They stood around awkwardly for a half hour, before EDI finally announced that they were in. “Good luck.” She said to Shepard.

They fought through the mines, ducking around corners and storming unsuspecting groups of Collectors. They managed to make it to what seemed to be a halfway point, a circular room filled with pods. But these ones weren’t empty. She saw one of the prisoners wake up and start banging on the pod. Then screen of the pod became bloody, and the woman was screaming, and Shepard tugged uselessly, trying to get her out. And then the woman was gone, the pod coated in a disgusting red mess. Her friends immediately started opening the pods that they could reach and carrying out the prisoners, who sat on the floor, weak and confused.

“Who are you people?” A young woman asked.

“Don’t worry,” Shepard said, “We’re here to help.” She turned to Mordin. “Can you escort these guys to the entrance?” 

He nodded, and started off with the small group back the way they came. 

She looked ahead. There seemed to be two paths, and from what they could recall, they would ultimately lead to the same area. 

“Alright, we’ll go in two teams. Garrus, I want you leading the second team. Jack, Zaeed, with me.” They separated. 

They walked along an empty tunnel, before coming across a cavernous room. She heard the telltale buzzing, and she nodded at the others as the started to run. She felt her limbs seize up and she didn’t understand. They hadn’t been bothered by the bug before. A blue wave of light passed through her, and she could move again. Jack was holding up a barrier, and Shepard felt glad that she’d brought her. They walked through the cavern, fighting occasional pockets of resistance. They’d finally reached the exit, but Jack seemed exhausted. There were more of the bugs, and they were being fired at on all sides. Jack’s barrier went inwards, just long enough for Shepard to be afraid, and then exploded out again, the bugs gone. They ran out of the room, and into the next one. The others were already there, waiting, and she knew that they were nearing the end of this place. 

“We need to keep going.” She said, “But they’ll come after us.” She looked at her team, standing, waiting for orders. “I’ll take two.” She decided. “The rest of you will stay back and hold them off. Kasumi, Tali, let’s go.” They nodded, and moved forward with her. It was a long, downward slope, with a strange platform that held a large console at the end of it. There were large tubes that converged just beyond the platform, and Shepard saw a large robot, hanging over a hole that she couldn’t see the bottom of. The robot looked like an approximation of a person, its torso uncomplete, its head a giant, metallic skull. She stared at it, when the metal coverings for the tubes suddenly pulled back, revealing a glowing orange liquid. She shot at one of the exposed tubes, and it exploded, glass shattering easily. Tali and Kasumi immediately started shooting at two of the others, and she took the third one. Between the three of them, it went down quickly, and fell down the hole. 

“Okay, is it just me, or was that way too easy?” Kasumi asked. 

The platform shook as a giant metal hand displaced it, and the robot was up, the thing inside its chest glowing. 

“It’s not just you.” Shepard said, raising her gun again. The robot’s core made a noise, like something from the pictures, and it shot off a beam that hit Tali head on. She fell like a bag of rocks, and Shepard and Kasumi ducked behind the long console.

“What do we do?” Kasumi asked. Shepard glanced at the console. 

“Idiots like these always have a self-destruct, right?” She asked. “We just have to find it.” 

The robot’s beam took time to charge, and the two used that time to try to figure out how to blow the thing up. The thing got two more shots off before Shepard pushed something that had a timer. They ducked back down. They heard a voice say, in plain English, “Base destruction in five minutes.” Shepard glanced at Kasumi, and then at Tali’s prone body. 

“I think we have to run.” She said. 

“Yeah, let’s do that.” 

The two shouldered Tali between them, and they ran back up the slope. The others were firing at a great deal of Collectors, but Shepard and Kasumi ignored them and kept going.

“Let’s go people! Move, move, move!”

* * *

 

They all managed to stumble out of the mine, with Shepard bringing up the rear. Shepard shouted at the civilians they saved to run, and they got in the cars. Several people stuffed themselves in trunks of on the top or sides of the vehicles. Joker started the car as fast as he could, and they drove off. They’d barely made it a yard when they felt the explosion, the car swerving as it was displaced by it. They kept driving, the aftershocks making the land they were on fall inward. 

“Why the fuck did it blow up?” Joker asked.

Shepard glanced at Kasumi in the back, and shook her head slightly. To Joker, she said, “I have no idea. There was a super creepy robot thing, though. I’ll tell you about it later.” 

They dropped off the civilians at the first town they came across. Shepard knew that there had been more people in the mines, though certainly not anymore, with how large that explosion was. She stared at the window as the countryside passed, bored, when a thought struck her.

“How did they know where Jedore was?” She asked.

“What?” Mordin asked, confused.

“It’s just… it took Garrus a long time to figure out where she was, how did they know?” 

“They could’ve been following Garrus. He had to go to you with the information, and then you both went to the Normandy. That’s a significant delay. They easily could’ve killed her in that time.” Joker said.

“But why follow Garrus? How did they know I had sent him to investigate?” 

“Perhaps they were following all of us.” Thane pointed out, squished between three other people.

She shook her head, and looked back out the window. Something was off. She just had to figure out what.

* * *

 

“It’s unfortunate that you had to destroy the facility. I suspect that we could’ve used something in there to help us. Still, you’ve done well, Shepard. Better than even I suspected.” The Illusive Man said. 

“Well, with the Collectors gone, we can focus back in on the Reapers.” She said. 

“Excellent. Although, without the law on your side, such a thing could be difficult.” 

She shrugged. “I’ve done a lot without the law already. They haven’t been much help.” 

He nodded. “Then you’ll be off? I hope the… job hunt works out. There’s a place for you at Cerberus, you know.”

“Oh, I know,” She said, making to leave. She paused. “One more thing.” 

He gazed at her, his cigarette in his hand. “Yes?”

“I asked Mordin. He said all the information he got from the Collectors was useless. There was nothing in there about the Collectors working with the Reapers, or about their headquarters. He also said that he hadn’t given you or any of your people anything.” She smiled. “It makes too much sense. You’ve lied to us a lot already. I’m sure you didn’t expect us to keep going after the Collectors once the Normandy burnt down. Jedore, too. I told you that Garrus was investigating it, which was how you knew to have people following him, so that you could kill her before she told us anything vital. So, tell me. Are you a big shot with these people, or are you just their errand boy?” She hissed.

He glared at her. “Mordin is clearly lying, Shepard. Perhaps you should look into your own team, if you’re searching for traitors.” 

“Oh? Then how come, when we searched the facility, we came back with a list of everyone that the Reaper had in their pockets? How come you were on it?” She asked.

He stared at her for a long time, and the he sighed. “You couldn’t possibly understand. The things I have had to do to keep the human race safe, to get us into the stars. These alien invaders come to our planet, but they don’t help advance us. They take advantage of us. The Reapers are a means to an end Shepard, and that end is the advancement of all humanity.” 

She chuckled. “Oh, you stupid bastard.” She said. “Thanks for confirming my suspicions.”

He blinked, his cigarette held loosely. “What.” 

“I didn’t ask Mordin shit. I had no solid proof that you’d done anything, other than the fact that you’re a lying, arrogant piece of shit who’s already proven he can’t be trusted. And you just  _ admitted  _ to it.”

He sat up, bewildered. “But the list-”

“What do you think this is, a comic book? There was never any list.” 

“Shepard. We can still work together. I had always planned on destroying them once they stopped being useful, you can help with that.” 

“I don’t think so. I don’t think we’ll be working together at all, in fact.”

He stood up and walked right up to her. “Don’t make me an enemy, Shepard.” He said. 

“We were enemies the moment you decided to work with them. Goodbye, asshole.” She walked off, The Illusive Man disappearing from sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp, I'm sure all ya'll saw that coming. anyway, I can't do fighting scenes justice, so I just skip that shit entirely lol. only the epilogue is left now. It'll probably be very short.


	9. guess what, it's gonna be me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me at [mass-defect](https://mass-defect.tumblr.com/)

Shepard stared into the flashing cameras. The podium was solid against her shaking hands. 

“The arrest of the being known as Harbinger signals the end of the Reapers, who were responsible for a multitude of crimes, including the attack led by Saren Arterius. Though there are likely still pockets, we’ve taken their leader, several other higher ups, and nearly everyone who worked for them. We will remain vigilant for more from this group, but I believe strongly that the worst is over.” She said, and she was proud that her voice didn’t waver once. 

“Thank you, Shepard.” Anderson said. “You’ve done us a great service, which is why I would be honored if you would allow me to reinstate you.”

“And I would be honored to accept, sir.” She said, and her cheeks hurt from the effort it took to keep her face neutral. He smiled at her, and handed her her badge, which she promptly took and showed off for the reporters. 

“If you have any questions, feel free to ask at the station our lovely PR representative, Mr. Udina. I’m afraid the Lieutenant and I have to be off.” He led her away from the reporters to the station. “You know,” he said conversationally once they were inside, “I heard the Chief might be moving up soon. It’s a decent paycheck, a nice office. A young person can still take some time to get some real police work done, though not too much, of course.” 

“Oh, you heard this, did you?”

“Yes. I also heard that a certain someone may or may not be in line for the job, if they’re will to take it.” Anderson said, and he was still smiling, and she grinned, too. 

“I heard that a certain someone may or may not be willing.” 

He clapped her on the shoulder. “That’s good. I’m proud of you, Shepard. You’ve done good work.” 

Garrus strolled up to them. “Shepard, good to see you. We’re going to have a little get together, you know, for you and for the new Normandy. There’s a lot to celebrate.” 

She glanced at Anderson nervously, and glared at Garrus. What did he think he was doing, just openly talking about them meeting at a speakeasy. That’s what had gotten her fired in the first placed. Anderson just laughed.

“It seems these old ears stopped working all of a sudden. How very odd.” He winked at them, and walked away.

“Come on, let’s go before he changes his mind.” Garrus said.

* * *

When they walked up to the Normandy, she didn’t recognize it. The last time she’d seen it, it had been an empty lot with only a foundation built in. It didn’t look anything like it had. The outside was made of stone, with a fresh coat of white paint. The door was thick metal, and it was heavier than the last one. It was also larger, and it had more windows. When they walked in, she saw the brand new pinewood floors, the fancy leather booths, the new round high tables and chairs. The bar itself looked like something out of a high class club. It was well stocked, with brand new glass and bottles lining the shelves. There was a small stage where a jazz band played, and most of her friends had already arrived. She walked over the Joker and EDI, both of whom were smiling.

“The place looks incredible.” She said.

“Yeah, it does, doesn’t it.” Joker replied. “Go on, have fun. We’re cracking out the good stuff tonight.” 

“No swill?”

“No swill.” He promised

She moved around the room. Wrex grinned at her from his conversation with Zaeed.

“Shepard! Heard you got your job back. Good on you!” 

She smiled. “Thanks, Wrex.” She looked at the stage. “What’s with the band?” 

“Joker and EDI said they wanted people besides us coming to this place, and apparently an ambiance will help with that.” 

“Ah.” She said. 

She went back to the bar to get a drink, though she was stopped at least five times by people offering her congratulations. It wasn’t like most of their get-togethers. It was… calmer, somehow. Like people were taking their time to enjoy themselves. 

The night stretched on, and she was chatting with Miranda and Jack, who were arguing every two seconds and would then furiously make out. Weird development, but she wasn’t going to say anything if it made them happy.

“I think I’m going to go outside, get some air.” She said

Jack nodded, and Miranda wasn’t paying her any attention. She went through the door and stood outside, taking a deep breath. She felt happy in a way that was a bit overwhelming. She stared up at the sky, which was completely black. There were no stars in Citadel, after all. She had to stop expecting to see them. 

“Shepard,” she heard a rough voice say behind her. 

She turned to see Thane leaning against the building, a cigarette in hand.

“We always seem to meet like this.” She said, walking towards him.

He tilted his head in acknowledgement. “Why are you out here?”

She shrugged. She didn’t know how to explain that she felt too happy, because it was such an odd thing to think. “What are you gonna do now?” She asked.

“Now?”

“Well, you joined up only to take down the Collectors, and we took them down a while ago. I appreciate that you stayed for the Reaper thing, but we don’t have any other big enemies to fight. There are other gangs, sure, but nothing life threatening.” She paused, trying to find the right words in her head. “I’m sure you want to go back to making money, y’know, how you did before.” 

He took a puff off his cigarette. His head was turned towards her, but she couldn’t tell if he was actually looking at her, with those big black eyes of his. “I see. You are correct; my presence on the task force is no longer required. And though I have more than enough to spare, I would like to go back to my work.” He took another puff, and she felt her heart sink. They’d made it through without anybody dying, and to lose anyone after the fact seemed cruel. But if he wanted to leave, she would let him. “But that doesn’t necessarily mean I have to stop coming around.” 

“You’re part of the group, Thane. Even if you decide to stop helping us. I mean, Wrex hasn’t done shit for this whole thing, and he’s still showing up. You’re our friend.” 

He pushed back against the building, and stood up straight. They were of equal height. Drell were not an especially tall people, and Shepard was a short woman herself. “Shepard.” He said, quietly, “I would like it if… we could see each other. Perhaps dinner.” 

She blinked. “We can each other all the time, you don’t need dinner for that.” 

“You misunderstand. I’m not asking in a… platonic context.” 

“In a… oh. You want to go out on a date.” She said. 

He nodded. It was dark, and the lack of streetlights made his cigarette seem brighter than it was, like the stars she couldn’t see. 

“Okay. Sure. I think I’d like that.” She should feel nervous. Didn’t people feel nervous when they were asked out? But she only felt that happiness that had shadowed her all night. 

“Thank you.” He said. “Let’s rejoin the celebrations, shall we?” He offered his hand to her, and she took it. He wasn’t wearing his gloves, and his hand was cool. The scales felt odd on her skin. The walked towards the door, which was only a few feet away. Shepard looked at the night sky once more. All important things seemed to happen at night in this city. 

“Oh, fuck it,” She muttered, and she grabbed Thane’s shoulder and jerked him around to face her. She took a hold of the front of his jacket, and he had just enough time to make a questioning noise before she kissed him. Up close, he smelled like smoke and gunmetal. He’d probably taste like an ashtray, and normally that would bother her, but things had stopped being normal a long time ago. She didn’t see fireworks, or feel her toes curl, or any of the other normal things. It was nice kiss, just between the two of them, and that was enough for her. They parted, and she grinned. 

“Let’s go back inside.” She said, slipping her hand back into his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it! we've finally reached the end of the ride. I'd like to thank all of the people who've helped me with this story, but especially [sailorblaze](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sailorblaze) for listening to my ideas and helping me with chapter titles, and [unofficial_channels](http://archiveofourown.org/users/unofficial_channels) for helping me come up with the initial story and supporting me throughout this endeavor. This fic wouldn't have been possible without them.  
> But now it's over, and though parting is such sweet sorrow, it must be done. I hope you'll join me for whatever comes next. Au revior, dear reader.

**Author's Note:**

> I plan on updating once a week, hopefully life doesn't get in the way. If you're interested in beta-ing, feel free to message me.


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